God Has Visited His People

I was fortunate enough to be able to attend the pre-conference with Missio people about two weeks ago.  There was a lot that I learned about "modality" and "sodality" which explained a lot of the pains and frustrations I've been experiencing.  I plan to bring those out here.

The most important highlight for me was Jeff Vanderstelt's talk during the main conference the first day.  Jeff is one of the founders of Soma, a missional community movement in Tacoma, Washington, under which my brother-in-law has also joined in partnership.  Jeff was sharing a little more about his friend, Clay.  Last year on facebook I posted a video of Jeff introducing Clay.  If you clicked on the video back then or have run across it yourself you may be familiar.  Clay used to go to concerts and use drugs as the highlight of his life.  Jeff and his wife were invited to hang out with Clay at concerts.  Obviously Jeff and his wife were uncomfortable, however they respectfully served Clay during those concerts.

At some point after that video, I assume that Clay became a believer.  At the conference, Jeff was updating his story.  In my memory of the conference Jeff said,

I have been wondering about Clay.  He doesn't seem to show much signs of growing so I just prayed and prayed for him.  One day I'm going over to Clay's house, and I see all these firetrucks and an ambulance with their sirens blaring.  The thought comes across my mind, "I wonder if that has anything to do with Clay?"  So I follow the sirens and they turn down Clay's street.  Then they stop in front of Clay's house.  Clay's wife is standing on the front lawn, crying.  So I go up to her and pause, and say, "Is... Clay... ??"  She says that Clay was over in their neighbor's garage.

Clay had answered a call for help from a neighbor.  The man who lived there had hung himself in the garage. Clay is in the garage and it's completely dark, and he's looking around for anything that will cut the rope.  Somehow there's a sliver of light shining on a pair of scissors, so, he's cutting the rope while trying to lift the man up to relieve the pressure around his neck.  He gets him down.  He starts doing CPR.  Nothing.  Clay starts to pray.  Clay prays, "You know, God, if it's this guy's time to go, go ahead and take him.  But if he's not would you save his life?"

The garage door starts to rattle as a wind blew through the cracks, and as the wind blew past Clay and this man, the man takes a breath....

He's in the hospital, and wouldn't you know that one of the members of our Soma community is his nurse, so as he regains consciousness in the hospital he gets to hear the story of what happened.  This nurse is only 21 years old, and she leaves Tacoma and goes on vacation to visit her family in southern California.  While she's there, a group of pastors ask her if she would come down and share the story of what God is up to with Soma and the story of Clay's neighbor.  So, here's a 21 year old girl teaching pastors about the power of God and what missional community is all about, the mission to reach others for Christ.

I talk to Clay and you know what he told me?  He said, "Yeah, I was reading the gospel of Mark lately (!!), got through several chapters and read how Jesus does miracles."

God  answered his prayer... AND CLAY'S NOT EVEN THAT GREAT A CHRISTIAN, you know... what I mean?

So here Jeff had been praying for this new believer who doesn't really understand much about God and how He works in our lives, not even knowing he had been reading the gospel of Mark!

This testimony stirred me.  It was as if I was waiting for something, but when I heard that God was even raising the dead... I felt an urgency, that I was living in the days when God moves.  Then I read Luke 7:11-16 for no good reason and was shocked by the scriptures:

Now it happened, the day after, that He went into a city called Nain; and many of His disciples went with Him, and a large crowd.  And when He came near the gate of the city, behold, a dead man was being carried out, the only son of his mother; and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the city was with her.  When the Lord saw her, He had compassion on her and said to her, “Do not weep.”  Then He came and touched the open coffin, and those who carried him stood still. And He said, “Young man, I say to you, arise.”  So he who was dead sat up and began to speak. And He presented him to his mother.

Then fear came upon all, and they glorified God, saying, “A great prophet has risen up among us”; and, “God has visited His people.”  And this report about Him went throughout all Judea and all the surrounding region.

That was exactly the words I felt: God has visited His people.  Their minds were settled that His favor had come into their lives.  So I have been praying ever since, for God to visit me, visit US.  I want to see His Kingdom not for my satisfaction, but for the sake of the lost.  He taught us to pray that His Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.  I realize He's not going to transform all till His return, but I believe nevertheless.  What if we prayed together for His Kingdom to come to us?  Would He set a limit and not be supernatural if we asked?  I believe it honors Him when I trust Him for His Kingdom, here and now!  I think the more we seek Him, the more we will find, even if we do not receive all His Kingdom in this dispensation.  Will you pray with me?  Luke 11:9-13,

So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. 11 If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!”

Strangers, An Offering to the LORD

What is an offering that would please the LORD?  Malachi 3:8-10,

"Will a man rob God?
Yet you have robbed Me!
But you say,
‘In what way have we robbed You?’
In tithes and offerings.
You are cursed with a curse,
For you have robbed Me,
Even this whole nation.
Bring all the tithes into the storehouse,
That there may be food in My house,
And try Me now in this,”
Says the Lord of hosts,
“If I will not open for you the windows of heaven
And pour out for you such blessing
That there will not be room enough to receive it."

Does God want an offering of your money? Sometimes. I suppose if it has the power to bring the nations to Christ, then yes. But on the other hand sometimes God likes to accomplish things without our resources, so we can see the difference between our effort and God's power; so He can increase His own fame.

Simon trying to buy the Spirit he already had as a believer, Acts 8

The prophetic book of Isaiah ends with an interesting take on offerings made to God.  It describes STRANGERS as the offering God is seeking. Isaiah 66:18-21,

"For I know their works and their thoughts. It shall be that I will gather all nations and tongues; and they shall come and see my glory. I will set a sign among them; and those among them who escape I will send to the nations: to Tarshish ad Pul and Lud, who draw the bow, and Tubal and Javan, to the coastlands afar off who have not heard My fame nor seen My glory. And they shall declare My glory among the Gentiles. Then they shall bring all your brethren for an offering to the LORD out of all nations, on horses and in chariots and in litters, on mules and on camels, to My holy mountain Jerusalem," says the LORD, "as the children of Israel bring an offering in a clean vessel into the house of the LORD. And I will also take some of them for priests and Levites," says the LORD.

While some of the evangelism described here makes us think these verses are fulfilled in the church age (now), all brothers from all nations have not been brought to Jerusalem (being referred to as the holy mountain which speaks of the future dispensation).

If the age of the 1000 year reign of Christ is characterized by this, shouldn't our Spiritual duty today look the same?   From the beginning of the promise uttered to Abraham, God has been patiently seeking the redemption and transformation of unchurched people!  The excellence... of the power of God on display in lives being changed.  What if that is what He will have His servants offer Him?

And if in the Kingdom era there will be literal pilgrimages to Jerusalem of new believers in Jesus, shouldn't that be fulfilled now in a Spiritual sense?  Malachi 1:7-8,

"You offer defiled food on My altar,
But say,
‘In what way have we defiled You?’
By saying,
‘The table of the Lord is contemptible.’
And when you offer the blind as a sacrifice,
Is it not evil?
And when you offer the lame and sick,
Is it not evil?"

If this is true, ...  Then what, do you think possibly...

Lame  = ?

Sick = ?

Blind = ?

Disciple Making Means the Unchurched will Follow Him

We quote God's Word in the Great Commission (Matthew 28:16-20) a lot, but what does a discipling movement look like? The word "disciple" means "follower, learner".  Disciple-making therefore means making disciples of the unchurched. Wait a second, you might say: I make disciples of the people who already attend church!  Isn't that also disciplemaking?  Well, of substance yes, but let me explain a little further.

By definition, a disciple is someone who is willing to follow Jesus. Once someone is willing to follow, then your engagement in making a disciple is done.  The disciple is made - and a certain amount of maintenance remains.  We might differentiate disciple-maintaining from disciple-making.

Help me tell the story of Jesus....  Jesus saw the crowds following Him, picked out 12 to be His first missionaries... and then: did He send them to minister to the crowds already following Him on foot?  

Is that how the story goes??  No :)  On two occasions (prior to Pentecost) Jesus gave the 12 the power to speak and do as He did.  Who were they sent to?  They were empowered to reach the nearby villages where people had not heard the good news so they could be given the chance to follow Jesus too.

The Necessary Work of "Disciple-Maintenance" (Shepherding)

"Disciples" are the willing.  They showed up.  How about at church?  Who shows up at church, usually?  Isn't it the willing?  Those who have chosen in some motivation to follow Christ?

Jesus didn't concern Himself with developing the 12 missionaries' Christianity very far at all before He anointed them to successfully make followers of the LORD. They weren't intelligent, they weren't professionals.  It's not necessary for a "movement."  We all want Christians to have character, granted; and they will by God's grace.

God has a plan in disciple-maintenance, and maybe that is your passion to serve Him.  What I mean by "disciple-maintenance" is the giftings of Shepherd and Teacher.  In His concern for sin, Jesus said, "You follow me because I fed you the bread."  He continually ministers to develop godly character. This is the sanctification process and we're all working on becoming who He has destined us to be.  We come together as a Body to refresh and strengthen our willingness to follow, to learn.

There is a small percentage of followers that aren't what they seem.  But even that God has under control.  On occasion, disciple-maintenance leads us down a road of departure.  Followers "work themselves out."  1 John 2:19,

They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us; but they went out that they might be made manifest, that none of them were of us.

His Power is in Disciple-Making Movements

How big is the testimony of God in the world if we only offer up the incremental faith of the already faithful? Compare the faith of Paul from the writings of 1 Timothy to 2nd Timothy - can you see his faith grow between writing these two books?  Probably not, I'd guess.  By contrast, can you tell the difference between Saul the persecutor of Christians, and Paul the convert of Jesus?  Absolutely!  Conversion is His renown!  Isaiah 61:5,6,9,

Strangers shall stand and feed your flocks,
And the sons of the foreigner
Shall be your plowmen and your vinedressers....
You shall eat the riches of the Gentiles,
And in their glory you shall boast....
All who see them shall acknowledge them,
That they are the posterity whom the LORD has blessed. 

Would our God be more awe-inspiring, and be more glorious if we could bring the unchurched, the un-gathered, the non-following?   Saved... from the grip of hell on earth, transformed like nobody's business?  Can you remember the last time you heard the story of someone who just accepted Jesus as Savior?  What happened to your soul?  The newly converted remind us of what is important.  I love to hear how touching it is for a person to finally meet God in all His love for them.  How "lame" in transformation are wonderfully but predictably faithful Christians compared to a babe in Christ?  Malachi 1:12-13,

"You also say,
‘Oh, what a weariness!’
And you sneer at it,”
Says the Lord of hosts.
“And you bring the stolen, the lame, and the sick;
Thus you bring an offering!
Should I accept this from your hand?”
Says the Lord."

Stolen = Researchers have been reporting that most church growth statistics come from transfers from other congregations of people who are already Christians...?

What if the most beautiful offering in God's eyes is the testimony of His presence in a stranger's life?  What if He loves to hear a new people overwhelmed to discover God as alive, as powerful, as near, as protective, as saving, as gracious.

It can't be bought with money.

Can you give it to Him?

The Prayer Closet

I need to listen a whole lot to what God says, more than I do everything else.  The solution is to regularly use "the prayer closet."  When I listen to anything else there isn't as much bigness for Christ to tell me who He says that I am.  It means that even when someone throws something as gritty as judgment at me, I excuse myself politely and say I've gotta go. I've gotta have a prayer closet where I go spend some time and I come out afterward victorious... cleansed of whatever wasn't quite in alignment or affirmed that I was already on the right path... or whatever God discerns that needs to be discerned.

It's a miracle to see God do this in a Christian's life.  After a continuous experience in the prayer closet Christians care very little with whether they have been abandoned to some expectation because Christ has met that emotional panic inside their heart.  Have you seen Christians who come out of a prayer closet?  What do they look like?

We ought to receive discipling-judgment from other Christians, because their voice often is one and the same Spirit; God.  However without that prayer closet, it can cause a believer stalemate.  Christians can overtake Christians with their Christian judgments which are actually true from His Word.  These judgments are the tool that God wants to use, but it quickly should become God using them, after we first receive them from the Body of believers who know us.  Why?  There are several reasons why this is important.  First, whether or not we attain victory over our failings is on the line.  Second, our Savior wants to use these truths in a mentoring way.  Christians are not always capable of imitating the mentoring, advocating grace of Christ.  Most importantly He wants the glory for our having been mentored.

Paul was a figure in the early Corinthian church upon which the congregation was deciding if he was the choicest orator of doctrine.  It could have crimped his confidence.  1 Cor. 4:3-4,

But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by a human court.  In fact, I do not even judge myself.  For I know of nothing against myself, yet I am not justified by this; but He who judges me is the Lord.

For Paul, their odd use of him as a role model caused him to write back to the church about the spiritual mind of Christ.  He was given this message to write to the church after first being set free in the prayer closet.

I have seen Christians come out of the prayer closet who passively admit to their Body of people who know them, any variety of evils with a smile on their face because they recognize that they are forgiven.  It's no longer a part of their lives because Christ has told them in the prayer closet that that unconformity is no longer a part of who they're seen as.

But that's in the case where there is actual sin and I don't know for sure what God will bring out to me in the prayer closet.  Sometimes the prayer closet is an experience where He acquits me, and the joy and power of the Holy Spirit only gets more incredible because He explains that I have an opportunity to share Him with them.  Think Job at the end of that Book and how he advocated in the end for his critics.

I desire that when my heart receives someone else's opinion, my heart is already full of God's voice. Man's judgment either adds or subtracts only a little as it passes through the prayer closet. I want this for myself today, this morning, at this moment.

I love the story of Hezekiah in 2 Kings chapter 19.  Criticism has come against him and Jerusalem in 2 Kings 18:19-25,

Say now to Hezekiah, ‘Thus says the great king, the king of Assyria: “What confidence is this in which you trust?  You speak of having plans and power for war; but they are mere words. And in whom do you trust, that you rebel against me?  Now look! You are trusting in the staff of this broken reed, Egypt, on which if a man leans, it will go into his hand and pierce it. So is Pharaoh king of Egypt to all who trust in him.  But if you say to me, ‘We trust in the Lord our God,’ is it not He whose high places and whose altars Hezekiah has taken away, and said to Judah and Jerusalem, ‘You shall worship before this altar in Jerusalem’?”’  Now therefore, I urge you, give a pledge to my master the king of Assyria, and I will give you two thousand horses—if you are able on your part to put riders on them!  How then will you repel one captain of the least of my master’s servants, and put your trust in Egypt for chariots and horsemen?  Have I now come up without the Lord against this place to destroy it? The Lord said to me, ‘Go up against this land, and destroy it.’”

Hezekiah tore his clothes.  To say it too simply, he was upset.  He might have trusted in the chariots of Egypt but to do so would not have been singular trust in God alone.  He took the letter of criticism and literally spread it out in the house of God.  2 Kings 19:14-16,

And Hezekiah received the letter from the hand of the messengers, and read it; and Hezekiah went up to the house of the Lord, and spread it before the Lord.  Then Hezekiah prayed before the Lord, and said: “O Lord God of Israel, the One who dwells between the cherubim, You are God, You alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth.  Incline Your ear, O Lord, and hear; open Your eyes, O Lord, and see; and hear the words of Sennacherib, which he has sent to reproach the living God.  ... Now therefore, O Lord our God, I pray, save us from his hand, that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You are the Lord God, You alone. 

In Your Prayer Closet

We believers have got to pour out the whole story before God.  Literally spread it out on your bed, or whatever.  Ask Him to look on those words said to you.  Ask Him to speak to you about your heart in it.  If you've ever experienced a moment where Christ sets you free so powerfully, it gets addictive and I'm sure that you've had a moment like this in times past, but today I want a rush of His opinions toward us to overtake us... because God is so much better of an Advocate than any man aspires to be.  Including the closest friend in your life.  Or a Christian you respect.  Or a spouse.  Or a crisis or confusion.  Our low moments when we're judged means only "a little" in the hand of a God who prepared in advance good works that we should walk in them.

coming out of the closet

Don't let anyone have too much of the judgment seat in your heart before He does.

Prayer for Jim

This came from Jim's wife last night at 6 pm....

Jim is in the hospital. He had a serious bike accident last night racing. He has 4 broken ribs, pneumothorax with chest tubes placed, cracked scapula, broken clavacle and cracked C7. He is in a lot of pain but doing better today.

He establishes her

Whatever glory He gives, may I ever point Him out with that, and never keep it for myself.

LORD, your will be done!

Ps 87

His foundation is in the holy mountains.
The LORD loves the gates of Zion
More than all the dwellings of Jacob.
Glorious things are spoken of you,
O city of God! Selah

“I will make mention of Rahab and Babylon to those who know Me;
Behold, O Philistia and Tyre, with Ethiopia:
‘This one was born there.’ ”

And of Zion it will be said,
“This one and that one were born in her;
And the Most High Himself shall establish her.”
The LORD will record,
When He registers the peoples:
“This one was born there.” Selah

Both the singers and the players on instruments say,
“All my springs are in you.”

Praise the LORD!

I have three stories to tell for which I praise the LORD!

The first story is continued out from a blog post titled, "The Hearer's Destruction?" In that post I shared a bit about my best friend -- a confessing atheist -- and her son.

You won't believe this...!

Nothing has changed in this many years, till last Friday morning. She called me and began saying, "I never thought I'd be telling you this." She explained that her (now ten year old son) has been persistent lately in asking his atheist mother questions about Jesus Christ and salvation. He said to her (from my recollection): "Jesus Christ is the Son of God and he died on the cross for my sins. That's how I know I am going to heaven. Mom, are you going to heaven?"

So, being a former AWANA clubber in her childhood herself, my friend, his mother, began to answer some of his questions. There's only so much she can tell him. He wants to know more. He keeps making inquiries about Noah's Ark and what it means to be God's Son. My friend chose me (and not an alternate Christian friend in her life), to begin to take her son to church, to AWANA, starting next week. I can't even believe that she wants her son to go to church, at all! I am floored!

....

A few months ago, Kevin (the administrator of the blog titled "On My Walk") and I had a lengthy and interesting discussion. We discussed how we keep a manner of grace while encouraging obedience.

In the beginning of our conversation I shared with Kevin another personal story from my experiences - a neighbor who might have been offended by the political sign sticking in my lawn. I want to share an amazing update. As I write this she has repented of her alternative lifestyle of several years, she told me mid-December. This woman could have chosen from four Christian families on my street, to begin finding encouragement in her newly devoted walk with Christ, including the pastor of a local baptist church; but, she chose me. Now I take her to church all the time and have her in my home.

At times it is humbling, to commune with a child of God who has seen tough days in battle with Satan. A couple of nights ago I dropped off some groceries for her in an unexpected visit. I felt tension on her part perhaps because she knows I might judge her for other things she still does wrong? But I refuse to throw the book at her. It's not that I put off saying the truth, or her obedience to it. It's simply that I know she must be encouraged to remain in His love and there, in His presence, His correction is loving and gentle. He will lead her toward a greater faith. Obedience often follows with it. I play a small part; a compliment to her discovery and conformity to the truth.

It doesn't really matter what her sins were or are because any sin poses a threat in some way or another, to the human eye. Am I afraid to have her in my home? No, but I'm always cautious (there is a difference). Why am I not afraid? Because I know that God is with me. Paradoxically, I am on lookout for God to minister to me through the newly repentant. Isn't that the way it should be? Matt. 18:3

"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

She is the one who calls me on the phone every day, to read a daily devotional.

We both were ministered for an identical need. She read this [1]:

Then Asa... said, "LORD, there is no one like you to help the powerless against the mighty." (2 Chronicles 14:11)

Remind God of his exclusive responsibility: "There is no one like you to help." It may be that your difficulties have come to such an alarming level that you may be compelled to refuse all human help. In lesser trials, you may have had that recourse, but now you must cast yourself on your almighty Friend. Put God between yourself and the enemy.

Asa, realizing his lack of strength, saw Jehovah as standing between the might of Zerah and himself. And he was not mistaken. We are told that the Cushites "were crushed before the LORD and his forces" (vs 13).

Readers, this is the kind of faith I desire to place in Christ when I deal with the unlovelies, even the dangerous ones.

....

On December 26th my family was by tradition, late to appear for the celebration. My brother-in-law, whom people have been praying for in the last seven years, saw me reading my bible when I finally sat down from dinner prep. He began by mocking the good book, but then confessed that he has found faith in God recently. Me? I have been released from ministering to him or even interacting to him by and large since he came on to me twice, last Spring. The last spiritual thing I said to him was, "What you need is to put your faith in Christ, brother." He replied, "I don't think so. Me and God, we have a special arrangement."

It so turns out that a long time friend of his has reconnected into his life. My brother-in-law's current marriage difficulties has caused him to want to pray, and this old friend of his is a youth pastor. During our conversation with my bible before me, my brother-in-law took out his cell phone and pulled up an old voice mail message of the youth pastor's prayer for him and his failing marriage. It was an amazing prayer, for things I hadn't even been asking God for anymore. Why did I stop??

Where was I? I had given up on him. I was blinded in my offense at what he had done against me, so, I wasn't praying for him and I wasn't burdened for him anymore. And that was the very moment when he confessed (and I certainly pressed for him to explain what he knew), "Yes, I know what Jesus did for me. He died on the cross for my sins, so that I could go to heaven."

Again, I am floored. Is not the most amazing God-thing happening inside the one who we think will never come around? Who seems impossible to reach for repentance? Who has just done too horrible of a thing? I think so.

I'm not the most fervent prayer. I have a feeling that my readers are probably quite devoted to prayer -- thank you so very much. I don't always share my faith, I'm not always gracious. Sometimes I give up on people when I shouldn't. I just want to praise God for what he is doing in the lives around me. My passion is stirred, my vision is refocusing. I love Him and I believe in Him to do that which feels impossible, things which has gone unanswered for even years at a go.

Jesus Christ's compassions fail not (lam 3:22)!



[1] Cowman, L. B. "Streams in the Desert," edited by Jim Reimann, 1997. Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI. pp. 18-19.

"Shuttle Diplomacy"

This is pretty amazing.

This morning I was having a brief conversation with my dad. I explained to him in a minute and a half, why I recently went on a trip to a conference.... He said to me, "That's shuttle diplomacy."

"Shuttle diplomacy?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied, "Henry Kissinger was the one who became famous for this technique. He would spend a certain amount of time with one side of a disagreement, listen to them and learn their language and issues and then he would go over to the other side, and stay with them for awhile, doing the same thing, translating the issues in fresh ways without contention."

What confirmation. I've been calling this thing "advocacy".... He has a different term for it. He had correspondence with Kissinger back in the 1970s during the cold war, when his distinguished career in international relations, much of which is top secret, was just getting started.

I'm absolutely clueless about a lot of things. I just want to add my prayers to whatever I get the sense the leadership of the FGA is already implementing. I have a sense by faith that this is a better thing to do then take unadvised action like I had been doing.

....

Paul & Prayer

This evening I got down on my hands and knees and scoured the floor. Earlier in the day, my one-year-old son took advantage of his mother's twenty minutes in the shower, to attack the Strong's Exhaustive Concordance sitting on the ottoman. He tore out tiny strips from the entries "gospel" and "peter" and slimed them up, discarding them around the room.

What a lesson that was. For a few minutes I fulfilled a childhood dream of being an archaeologist. I needed that page's entry on the gospel because I'm studying it. I couldn't help but be amused at the symbolism. I spent those minutes wondering about the reconstruction of the gospel page in the story of my life.

I heard a sermon last Sunday on the radio. Let me share what I received.

There are three passages on prayer in chapter eleven of Luke. The first is the Lord's model prayer, the second is the friend who knocks in the middle of the night and because of his persistence, the owner gives him all he needs. The third is Jesus teaching us that if we who are evil know how to give good things to our children, how much more will our Heavenly Father give us the Holy Spirit?

All of these passages on prayer, are so positive. They inspire to ask God and to hope in Him. But sometimes I keep on praying and nothing happens. For some people this goes on for years. How come these prayers aren't being answered?

The pastor on the radio illustrated with Paul's experience:

And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

(2 cor 12)

Here, God doesn't answer his prayer, just like some of mine. The pastor explained that when we ask the Father for good things, He knows how to give what is good -- the Holy Spirit. Sometimes what we ask for is met in having more of the Holy Spirit.

The study notes for the passage on Paul's thorn say:

Thorn means "splinter," "stake," or "something pointed." Flesh can refer to the body or the sinful nature. Three basic suggested interpretations of the thorn are as follows: (1) If flesh is a reference to the body, it is a physical ailment like an earache, headache, eye trouble, epilepsy, or recurrent fever. (2) If flesh is a reference to the fallen nature, then the thorn could be a temptation. (3) If the expression is figurative, it could refer to persecution or opposition. Most commentators interpret it as a physical ailment. Many suggest that it was eye trouble, on the basis of Gal. 4:15. Messenger of Satan God permitted Satan to afflict Paul as He did Job (see Job 1; 2). Buffet means "to strike with the fist" (see Matt. 26:27). Paul's thorn was a painful, humiliating experience given to prevent pride.

I always liked to think that it was (2) -- a struggle with the fallen nature. What else could not have been so obvious to be recorded in scripture and yet be so humiliating? And for Paul, I imagine he was sure happy to hope that his days of being the chief of sinners by persecuting God's church, were a thing of the past. He, who would declare the gospel to Gentiles, and yet still a miserable sinner? What kind of suffering is more devastating to those who love God, than the suffering of battling with sin?

I can imagine why Paul prayed for the thorn to be removed.... So that Paul might do more for God, to focus better on the truth instead of suffering with distraction, and so forth.

Paul got what he wanted. Just not by having it removed -- ironically -- by having it remain. Paul in fact did learn how to do more for God, and to focus more on the truth... he discovered how much God really is beautiful to know and devoted to blessing us, especially when we don't deserve it. God's good news is His grace.

I, too, am seeing now what God was doing for me.

The "gospel" page is back in proper array, now. The scotch tape looks good. It almost could pass as if nothing ever happened. But I know the time it took away from other activities to rearrange it. Once I got started it wasn't difficult. The pieces fell right into place, without a one missing.

Grace's Prayer

Last Saturday my family and my sister's family traveled up into the Cascades to day-camp. Tonight I went in to put the girls to bed and Grace asked me to pray, so I did. Then I was about to leave when she asked me if I wanted her to pray for me. I said sure. So she started off praying for me but then took a sudden unexpected turn onto Bigfoot.

"...And LORD, if we can go back into the forest, can you help Bigfoot to not be so shy, because I don't like it when he's shy, like kids are. Help him to feel okay about meeting me, because I really want to see him, I like him so much."

Afterward I was about ready to burst out of the room because I had been trying to keep a straight face when she was praying and it was just too difficult. But she held me back and said she really wanted to tell me something.

She said, "You know what? Uncle Richard told me about Bigfoot. Guess what? He has feet as big as all the way to Uncle Richard's elbow! And, MOM! you know what?" [pause]

"What, Grace?" I enthused.

"Some people have told some bad stories about him. That's why he's shy. But he's really friendly. Mom, Mom! If you hear a bad story about bigfoot, you have to tell them it's NOT TRUE. Bigfoot is so nice, and I want to meet him next time we go into the forest, and I hope he won't be shy anymore. He's really good, and he prays to Jesus, like probably every night."

I started spewing laughter and she got upset with me. That was the end of her persuasive speech.

Before I left the room I complemented her prayer and told her it made me happy. She said with a sheepish smile, "Sorry a lot of it was about Bigfoot."

A Prayer

Dear LORD, you are precious and I love you. Thank you for not giving up on me, for letting me choose every day whom I will follow, and never pressuring me to choose you. Thank you for meeting my needs and even having enough grace to surprise me with abundance I do not expect to come my way. Please, LORD, do not delay in aiding me at the right time so to not strain my trust in you. Come near to me. Cleanse me. Give me strength. Give me joy again-not the emotion and feeling-but the kind that makes a foundation for everything I do. Give me the kind of joy that makes me not keep count of my sorries. By wisdom, or comfort, let me have peace... where this is going. I want to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit again. Lead me back to being sensitive. I want to be living in the center of your will, mark 14:12. When you show me what the answer is, please, help me to remember to obey it afterward, mark 14:15. Do not forget LORD those whom I love-what grace you give to me let it pass over them first and more abundantly than mine. Prove yourself by love not by shame. When you move, move me gently and draw me by your goodness. When you show me answers, I ask you to help me to also obey them and not wait. Help me to see your pleasure in me. Show me how to love you-reveal something this week that I can do to make you glad. Give me clarity of mind, please, I need your help to think. Please help me with headaches and dizziness and lack of sleep. Most importantly LORD don't let me go don't let me go. Let me find moments and ways to keep on talking to you. And thank you for helping me even now... you are fair and kind. In your Name I ask these things; let your glory reign in me and all whom I let my vision fall on.

God answers prayer. I'm paying close attention.

I get embarassed thinking about my previous posts. The things I said were real, and had been real for such a long time. Now they're getting better since I said them out loud. It must be because I confessed them... confess your sins one to another, so that you can pray. Somehow, both people I know well and those I don't know at all, have come out of the woodwork to pray for me and think of my condition. There was a lady last night in my bible study who made a care-package for me. Inside was a small text of the series "chicken soup," some home-made blank cards with pretty flower designs on the front, a few home-made valentine cookies, and a note:

To Michelle-

Hope that these days where activities are limited become a real blessing!
May your heart become quiet and serene as you wait for this baby.

Love,
Gladys

As I accepted this, before I had read the note, I told her that I have had a pleasant week where I could hear the LORD telling me to stop, and to seize the vast amount of time, just listening to and holding my girls. But that's not all I could have mentioned that has changed with me, only one part. If I had to express it, it would probably be something very similar to the desire she had for me in her note....

Coincidence?

God answers prayer. I'm paying close attention.

The last, and most difficult point of my struggle has finally been won over conceived now within the bounds of hope. I was so scared for so long to let God in. It's only when I remembered that God could change me in a way that wouldn't be disappointing... but rather so very kind and slow and gentle that I would love Him so much the more than ever before... could I relax and trust and hope again. I told God that I'll be looking for his ever-gentle aide, whatever that might be, to convince me and bring me to be the kind of person He commands.

Someone once said that everyone expects God to be the bogey-man, up in heaven, looking down with criticality. Yeah... I did. Yeah... that's not fair.

I am still not a good person. But it makes me want to pray, and I do so much more now, because I am worried about what my day will be like without it. I pray in the morning very simple things, like "LORD, keep me from temptation for today." The days that I pray, work out in a fulfilling way. God answers prayer. I'm paying close attention. It's the beginning of the reality of the relationship I had said a year back that I was dreading the approach of.

Nothing to dread. It comes clothed in my success.