Tuesday, October 25, 2005

anchor and definition

The One Thing

Here I am
In a river of questions
Can I pour my heart out to a listening ear?
I see this life
Its valley's and mountains
And I think of all the roads that brought me here

I've questioned my reasons
The life I'm living
I've questioned my ability
To judge wrong from right
I've questioned all the things that I've ever called certain
My race, my religion, my country, my mind

But the one thing I don't question is you
You really love me like you say you do
You really love me like you say you do
Hold me
Hold me

I've questioned significance
Meaning and relevance
Does the work I'm doing really matter at all?
Well I've questioned my friendships
Alliance, dependence
Who will still be here when I fall?

Only one thing doesn't change
Only one thing stays the same
All I know at the end of the day is your love remains

-music artist so far unfound

Sunday, October 23, 2005


I am beginning to think I am spoiled.

It's just a teensy bit nerve-raking.

But mostly I am deeply grateful.

I didn't know a life could really be this fine. Really when I imagined a family life I never thought I would ever have so much; so much material and circumstantial blessing to take pleasure in. Even in my ministries, I am blessed.

When I sit down at the dinner table and we have one of those moments where it all sinks in;... the blessing in it all, for a moment I get nervous. You know, the old saying "when is the other shoe going to drop." I think often about how it may be God's will to take a child or my husband or my husband's job, so that life would be utterly different. At least, that's the most profoundly scary thing I can think of. And I know that I still trust God with even all of those things. It seems to be that the natural time of "acquiring" in the evolution of a family is not the usual time that God tests our complementary growing faith and trust in God as we ourselves evolve in faith. So maybe now is not the time that God has planned to test and try my faith. Today is the day for the establishment of the depth and breadth of God's love.

But the point is that I do not live in fear. Fear would cripple my joy in today's deep blessing, and turn it to bitterness. I am able to say that I can enjoy today's deep blessing by faith, for what it is. Unafriad of what may happen tomorrow.

And also not take too much pleasure in what I have, so that I would fail the test of the trial of loss, to come.

It's an amazing balance, that God has made me ready to glorify Him in. And I thank Him that I have that peace.

Monday, October 17, 2005

My ever-present help in time of need

God takes such good care of me.

He surprised me. Gave me something I thought would only be suitable for dreaming.

And just at a time when my "spirits" were low. He must have known that I needed hope.

Thank-you, my Lord, for loving me so personally.

Saturday, October 08, 2005


I'm pregnant! :)

I've suspected that I am pregnant for about 5 days now. Usually I have pregnancy symptoms week three and then lose them in week 4, with the cycle then beginning after that. This time I had the number one predictable symptom, endure into the forth week. But you know what really made me think "yes?" Because I saw dark rings around my eyes, and I had them all throughout my other pregnancies. It's a hypothyroid-drawn symptom.

I couldn't sleep all night. I was anticipating taking the test, all night long. I had these funny dreams, ALL NIGHT LONG. They were all about babies. Issues of baby furniture, how to announce the news. Then one dream was so overwhelming that it woke me up straight--a counselor said: look who is here to see you! And I looked in the entrance-way, but no one was there. And then the counselor said, "It's an angel." And as she said that the angel came near to me and put his hands through my abdomen, which was thrilling, but then the angel pulled the young baby out of my tummy.

Okay, so that isn't such a great thing to share. But the thing is, it's normal for a *pregnant* woman to have these kinds of fears. So that means I'm apart of the club. Again.

Out of the five closest women I have as friends, 3 out of 5 of them are pregnant. Of the two who aren't, one has her tubes tied, the other is chaste as God commands before marriage. My one and only sibling, my younger sister, has been pregnant for 6 months now. My close friend from junior high, and my close friend from college. I definitely felt left out. But no longer!

I know his name, if it's a boy. Elijah. And if it's a girl? Well, we've always had a hard, hard time picking girl names.

I am so happy. I feel great. I am so excited to prepare a new room for our new little baby.

The due date is somewhere between June 8th and June 13th.

I said a prayer of thanks to God. It all came out because I still believe that babies come from God.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


God let me be used in some awesome ways today. And the song I sing for Him is:

"We fall down
We lay our crowns
At the feet of Jesus
The greatness of
mercy and love
At the feet of Jesus
And we cry
Holy Holy Holy
And we cry
Holy Holy Holy
And we cry
Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lamb"

-ChrisTomlin, the "Authentic" album

Monday, October 03, 2005

my deleted post


The Book of Mormon is more important to us than the bible, and here is why.

Thank you.

The Book of Mormon, in contrast, was written specifically for our day.

You mean to say human nature has changed in 5000 years? Even the theory of human evolution does not support such a stance. The book of mormon was penned in the times of ancient history. How then can you consider it modern? In fact every other aspect of your church in their scriptures and writings are indeed modern with exception of the BoM. As far as I understand it. Maybe what you *meant* above is, "The Latter Day Saint Church, in contrast, is meant for modern worship of Christ."

Do you mean to say that actual historical/biblical accounts, like, David sinning with Bathsheba, is anything less applicable to believers today? Exactly what about the bible makes it not just as helpful for today's readers as it was when it was written the first time? Can you think of anything--I can't.

Mormon, who compiled most of the Book of Mormon, stipulates in Mormon 5:12-15 that these things are written and hid up that they may come forth in the Lords own due time, to convince the Jews and the remnant of the Lamanites that Jesus is the Christ.

Are you trying to say that the bible is not as effective or incapable of convincing the Jews or any other group that Jesus is the Christ? I am not trying to imply that the Book of Mormon is not able to convince the same thing. It may very well be another testament of Jesus as you say. But is it better as you claim above, in terms of converting and revealing Jesus? I'm just asking what you think of the bible's abilities. Just another thought: there are more bibles in the world than BoMs, and more Christians in the world than LDS.

I commend your trust in the BoM. I wonder though, does such a strong stance as you are taking above, make it therefore wrong for you to reach out and investigate a perspective that is solely biblical like Ana's or mine as Ana has asked you? Especially since the bible is indeed the word of God, as you believe and preach to all.

blog archive

Phrase Search / Concordance
Words/Phrase To Search For
(e.g. Jesus faith love, or God of my salvation, or believ* ever*)