Stay

What had been is gone.

Finally, I am able to look at babies, and remember why they are so delightful.

Whatever I had was so difficult. I'd commit to listen to Christian music, but it would make me sad. I'd watch home movies of our family and I felt disassociated like those days of innocence were gone. I couldn't see my future with this baby or with anything in my current path of circumstances.

But now, I look out the kitchen window at the clouds, and my posture straightens. Once again the world is full of hope. I see it as one big fat ball of ministry. I used to always think this way about life. I forgot how excited I always was.

I watched Liz when she was a baby, and I was shocked that I forgot about all the cute things, the babble and the amazing growth and everything -- I had kept no memory of it -- how did that happen to me?

I'm just beginning now to imagine the bundle of joy that will soon be mine. Wow, it's like I've awaken.

I don't know why I'm better. All I think is, thank you God, and please, please don't leave me now, old self. Stay.