Pit in the Stomach

Today I get the most awful feeling.

I review in my thoughts all the rock-on lectures of the conference, upon the topic of being driven by grace. I got affirmations for my goals, but wait; Charlie Bing's plea to "stop!" rings constantly in my mind. Did I really think that that couldn't mean me too? Well yeah.... What universe am I in? Ohh. I recollect the subtle cues of body language and non-speech from the ones who listened to my passionate pleas. I realize now I didn't tell them anything they already didn't know. It wasn't like I thought. What a fool I've been.

And you know there's always this extra dose of judgment you take as a woman. No matter what it's going to be my fault if some guy accosts me. I was on two occasions by unbelievers on Monday, and bothered by many others. Makes me so not pleased to try and be present and use my mind or heart at all. (This is one of the reasons why I like the internet.)

But mostly after getting confirmation that I know grace, I somehow notice that I didn't practice it anywhere like I think I might have.





Today, I get the most awful feeling.

I hope it never leaves me.

"The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure." Ecc 7:4