Children of Comfort

This blog post starts a new post emphasis (label) titled, "Mother Jerusalem's Advice."

What am I replicating in this life -- for all replicate!  Everybody is bearing fruit, but only some fruit lasts to eternity.  What I make of my life will be counted as "children" before God.

Children = good works, the Holy Spirit manifested through me, people accepting the gospel, disciples, eternal life, godly fruit, being clothed properly for Jesus at His coming.

"I want the women adorned with good works..." 1 Tim. 2:10

According to Isaiah 51:18-19, in the next life, "children" are the ones who comfort believers:

Stand up, O Jerusalem...
There is no one to guide her
Among all the sons she has brought forth;
Nor is there any who takes her by the hand
Among all the sons she has brought up.
These two things have come to you;
Desolation and destruction,
famine and sword --
By whom shall I comfort you?
Your sons have fainted,
They lie at the head of all the streets
Like an antelope in the net;
They are full of the fury of the LORD,
The rebuke of your God. 

According to the New Testament, the Holy Spirit (John 16:6-7) is the one who comforts believers:

But because I have said these things unto you, sorrow hath filled your heart. Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you.

We need offspring, we need a child for the next life whom God will be pleased with, Isaiah 52:1,

Awake, awake!  Put on your strength, O Zion;
Put on your beautiful garments,
O Jerusalem, the holy city!
For the uncircumcised and the unclean
Shall no longer come to you. 

God gave such an offspring!  Isaiah 9:6,

For unto us a child is born,
Unto us a Son is given

Any person who has believed in Jesus for eternal life has a certificate of having adopted a child.  Jesus has been adopted as our Son, though, His true monogenes (pedigree) is that He is the Father's Son.  Why did the Father give us His Son to be our son?  Because there would be no hope for us to bear godly offspring and make disciples of all nations without this gracious gift.  Inside the Jewish nation He was hidden as the lone eternally fruitful legacy of humanity.  Isaiah 49:1-2,

The LORD has called Me from the womb;
From the matrix of My mother He
has made mention of My name.
And He has made My mouth like a sharp sword;
In the shadow of His hand He has hidden Me,
And made Me a polished shaft;
In His quiver He has hidden Me. 

But when He hid Jesus as the son of Israel within the Jewish Nation, God also hid Jesus as a child for all the world. Isaiah 49:5-6,

And now the Lord says,
Who formed Me from the womb to be His Servant,
To bring Jacob back to Him,
So that Israel is gathered to Him
(For I shall be glorious in the eyes of the Lord,
And My God shall be My strength),
Indeed He says,
‘It is too small a thing that You should be My Servant
To raise up the tribes of Jacob,
And to restore the preserved ones of Israel;
I will also give You as a light to the Gentiles,
That You should be My salvation to the ends of the earth.’”

Every "offspring," every "child," every practice and manifestation in our lifestyle that bears out in our community to take people away from faith in God will be destroyed before God's face.  As He turned to destroy earthly Jerusalem, so He may destroy us.  God will not be mocked, we will reap what we sow.  Isaiah 63:10,

But they rebelled and grieved His Holy Spirit;
So He turned Himself against them as an enemy,
And He fought against them.

Our lives are either manifesting this Son or else our deceptive idols of gaining peace with God.  1 John 4:17,

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.

And how was Jesus in the world?  John 4 shows us that Jesus was busy making disciples of God wherever He was accepted.  He equated His own work at evangelism and disciplemaking (evangediscipleship) so critically as whether or not He would have access to food and water stored up in the next life.  John 4:4,

But He needed to go through Samaria.

When has God ever needed ANYTHING...?  John 4:7,

A woman of Samaria came to draw water.  Jesus said to her, 'Give me a drink.'

Jesus plays as much by Kingdom rules as we must.  He was both thirsty and hungry.  He needed to make babies.  He knew this woman would make babies with Him.  Her word of His gospel made the city believe.  A whole city of believers were born.  He taught the 12 how to prepare for the next life, by storing up food NOW.  John 4:34, 36,

Jesus said to them, 'My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work.  ...  And he who reaps receives wages, and gathers fruit for eternal life...'.

Her children rise up and call her blessed....
Give her the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
Prov 31:28, 30-31

There will be desolation and famine for all who have not birthed with Christ a team of fellow Christ-followers from among the nations.  They will eat in the next life, but they will have to find food from those who have it.  Jesus equates "evangediscipleship" throughout the Old and New Testaments as essential to survival that He calls it:

Food.

Water.

Clothing.

(No wonder Jesus relates to the least of these!)

I believe that evangediscipleship is the oil in the lamps of the virgins.  I believe that evangediscipleship will be the measure for our personal bodily resurrection described in Romans 8 and Philippians 3.  I believe it is the purpose for Abraham's family.  And more.  There are so many theologies to unpack from the Bible.  And I don't have the mind for it so much these days, even though I think about these every day.  I just want to paint this quick picture for those reading here.  Isaiah 62:5,

For as a young man marries a virgin,
So shall your sons marry you;
And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
So shall your God rejoice over you.

I know the most important thing I can do after attending to my own inner persevering faith in God is to create disciples.  To me, it is exciting to know that the sojourners I choose to bind as a community, as a team, as my Body, my church in this life are the people I will be in network with for all eternity.  Is. 49:18,

'As I live,' says the LORD,
'You shall surely clothe yourselves
with them all as an ornament,
And bind them on you as a bride does.'

If you want to make babies, God has given you His Spirit through which you can exponentially redeem the lives of so many.  It won't look as tangibly productive as literal childbearing or adoption.  It won't feel like this awesome thing that is "done" like holding a baby in your hands and giving him your last name.  You may never see or physically hold or call them your own, but God will cause them to come running back to you in the end.  Isaiah 49:20-23,

The children you will have,
After you have lost the others,
Will say again in your ears,
'The place is too small for me,
Give me a place where I may dwell.'
Then you will say in your heart,
'Who has begotten these for me,
Since I have lost my children and am desolate,
A captive, and wandering to and fro?
And who has brought these up?
There I was, left alone; But these, where were they?'
Thus says the Lord GOD:
'Behold, I will lift My hand in an oath to the nations,
And set up My standard for the peoples;
They shall bring your sons in their arms,
And their queens your nursing mothers;
Then you will know that I am the LORD,
For they shall not be ashamed who wait for Me.'

Perichoresis

(This is the final post in the series, Our Savior, the Abider)
Previous two posts:
Frenemies
Who's Your Daddy?

'Perichoresis' by Derrick

Perichoresis - To "dwell," to "abide," to be "with God."  It is the flow of "resources" (John 8:44) from the Father which fund the truth-promises of Jesus Christ.  In a community, perichoresis is mutual-permeation of the Father's love, strategies and interests.  In the Gospel of John, Jesus displays His perichoretic relationship to God and then invites His disciples to widen their own flow of the Vine, through Himself.  It culminates in John 17:21,

...that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us...

In the first two posts we considered the faithfulness of Jesus Christ in contrast to Satan's betrayal. "Knowing God" was meant to be an eternal affair and Jesus called this affair, "eternal life" (John 17:3).  What we have not yet examined is how perichoresis is received by community.  Limiting this post, we will examine only the first stage of response, which has no capacity for hearing the truth. *

Those Without Ears to Hear

Joseph's brothers were all sons of the same man Jacob, but Jacob and Joseph had a special connection.  Joseph was determined to see righteousness be done.  Jacob called Joseph "my son" (Gen. 45:28).  It was the source of trouble in the family, feelings of disunity.  At first it seemed easy to blame Joseph as the disturber of the peace.  Even Jacob was troubled by his proud prophecies of greatness (Gen. 37:10).  But it was the brothers who left Joseph for dead, not the other way around.  They might argue that because Joseph held the righteousness card in the one hand, he couldn't have also held the unity card in the other hand.  He held both.  In fact Joseph even named his children to represent healing over his family (Gen. 41:51-52)!

 

This man channeled massive power from God through his servanthood.  (For more on Joseph, read the post titled, "The Ignore-Accuse Prison".)  Pharaoh plainly observed the value in making him second in command over all Egypt.  Pharaoh gave him the name Zaphenath-Paneah which means "one who reveals secret things with ease."

In another previous post, "Learning Life," we saw Mary drinking in deeply the presence of Jesus when everyone else saw it as a moment to be busy.  Martha's rebuke on Mary doesn't amount to suffering; nevertheless in a small form that is exactly what is going on.  In a later chapter we see Mary able to read "the signs of the times."  She pours on Him a year's wage of perfume for anointing His burial.  Exclusively she foresaw He was about to die.

"Son" in the Old Testament

Does perichoretic intimacy last?  "For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus" (Gal. 3:26).  Those who are familiar with the New Testament are accustomed to reading the phrase "son of God."  But "son of God" is so rarely used, in the Old Testament!  I wonder.  It may be because, excluding angels (Gen. 6:2), there were so few!  Isaiah 51:18-20,

There is no one to guide her among all the sons she has brought forth; nor is there any who takes her by the hand among all the sons she has brought up.  These two things have come to you; who will be sorry for you?— desolation and destruction, famine and sword— by whom will I comfort you?  Your sons have fainted, they lie at the head of all the streets, like an antelope in a net; they are full of the fury of the Lord, the rebuke of your God.

Early in the history of Israel, she was called "my son."  Exodus 4:22-23,

Then you shall say to Pharaoh, ‘Thus says the Lord: “Israel is My son, My firstborn.  So I say to you, let My son go that he may serve Me.

Matthew reviews the lineage of Jesus Christ calling Adam "the son of God."  Luke 3:38,

...the son of Enosh, the son of Seth, the son of Adam, the son of God.

By the grace of God, God calls Adam and Israel and even born-again Christians "sons" before they have ever proven themselves to live up to the calling.  He gives us our identity anachronistically, before its time, to show His kindness to us, to show that perichoresis, the flow of God's grace, is the means by which our identity as sons becomes son-like in-deed.

Children graduate into sons through abiding belief in the promised Seed, Jesus Christ.  Galatians 4:1-7,

Now I say that the heir, as long as he is a child, does not differ at all from a slave, though he is master of all, but is under guardians and stewards until the time appointed by the father.  Even so we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements of the world.  But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.  And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!”  Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.

Witnesses involuntarily witness whoever they have been spiritually intimate with.  A son characterizes his father.  The Hebrew word "son" and the Aramaic word "son" are not theologically vacant words.


"Son" in the New Testament

We have the same theological arrangement in the NT as well.  Romans 8 says every believer is already adopted in the Spirit in verse 15,

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”

And then speaks of the adoption as not having happened yet, conditioned upon our perseverance in verses 23-25,

Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body.  For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

We are sons by gracious design.  We are sons indeed if we appropriate it into how we live [1].

Prophecies of Greatness

Being a son was rare enough in the Old Testament that when they saw it, most loved their own lives more.  It's not as if there were not "sons" in the OT.  Moses, David, Abraham, Joseph....  Israel by and large does not understand that as much as they study these prototypes of the Messiah, these were all rejected in their day because of their close association "with God."

Wherever perichoresis becomes incarnate, it incarnates as the servant not the ruler.  Sonship is not just servanthood.  It is also rulership.  This is why God's servants are accompanied with divine appointments, power, signs, miracles....  "The one who rules is the one who serves."

Dreamers Die for Community

Sons don't care about earthly status quo, at all.  They only care about serving the will of the Father.  It is the impartial way they devote their whole life.  Some people think that this makes a Christian very careless toward God's people, but the secret is, the opposite is true.  Hebrews 1:1-3,

God, who at various times and in various ways spoke in time past to the fathers by the prophets, 2 has in these last days spoken to us by His Son, whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the worlds; 3 who being the brightness of His glory and the express image of His person

His Son, is, the image of God.  Genesis 1:26, 27,

Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness.... So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Man, is, the image of God.  To be the image of God, is to be a son and to be a son is to be the image.  Do you see this?  Jesus is Adam as he ought to be, as we can be, and in a portion, how we will be.  How wide the divide -- between mankind and God?  Romans 8:29,

For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.

Setting sonship aside - this is the divide - and it eternally wide: Jesus is in essence deity, a true son; the only begotten at that.  We are not essentially deity, of course; we are adopted.

Jesus lives as a Son, and He invites man to the same. The day man gains ears to hear, man will fulfill the oneness of John 17:21.

Perichoresis Has a Price

The Pharisees wanted to do the violence of divorce.  They still do to this day.  Malachi 2:10, 16

Have we not all one Father?  Has not one God created us?  Why do we deal treacherously with one another by profaning the covenant of the fathers?  ...  For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence....

They wanted to end their relationship with Him once for all. They wanted to kill perichoresis so badly, that they wanted to kill him.  Their belief system was religion without sonship.  Religion, without adoption. Religion without transformation.  They don't believe in it.  They don't believe a man could get that intimate with God, because they have tried to obey God and have violated their consciences beyond repair.  This is notwithstanding believers, who oftentimes lose their taste for deliverance from sin.  "Now I say that the heir, as long as he is a child, does not differ at all from a slave, though he is master of all" (Gal. 4:1).

The religious will use their religious rules, tragically interpreted from the mouth of God, to justify their departure.

God 'With Us' is the Testimony of John

The title "Son" is used 39 times in the Gospel of John, and it is the common way Jesus refers to Himself in reference to the Father.  It is the summary of His identity upon which he invites Nicodemus in chapter 3 to believe.  Nicodemus must be born literally "from above," just as the Scriptures teach in Galatians 4:6,

but the Jerusalem above is free, which is the mother of us all.

It is what He meant when He spoke the most famous passage in the bible: "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved" (John 3:17).  It is why He invites the blind man to believe in "the Son of God" in John 9.  It is why Jesus taught, "Therefore if the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed" in John 8.  It is why Jesus told them to prepare for the world to hate them also.  All of the signs and miracles and power that Jesus demonstrated invited believers to become great in the Kingdom of God.  Hence the final invitation in the Gospel of John writes like so in John 20:30-31,

And truly Jesus did many other signs in the presence of His disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in His name.

Do You Believe in the Son of God?

There is so much of the image of God reflecting in fallen man, that it makes no sense to praise God and curse people (James 3:9)!

The things that partner with God we long for in our souls; "He has put eternity in their hearts" (Ecc. 3:11).

Do you want a Father who is willing to bust His butt to prove that He is knowable through sons (John 14:11-14)?  I hope that, amidst all the trials you may have in being set free of sins, you still believe God wants to deliver you from bondage, through the intimacy of knowing God and being filled by Him and being ministered to by His amazing grace.  Nowhere does it say that we have to be perfect instantaneously.  A great life's legacy is to ongoingly receive God's forgiveness and patience.  Don't give up on righteousness as the final destination. God is looking for Christians who stay in a perichoretic relationship with God till they're taken home.  We imitate our short life's version, of Christ's "forever."   This is the design for so many NT passages conditioning perseverance.  Revelation 21:6-7,

I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts.  He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son.

*   For a framework depicting the stages of reconciliation between Jesus and His people through the Gospel of John, keep watch for upcoming posts.


Scene from Jesus of Nazareth the Movie, in an extended interpretation of John 7:45-52 & 11:46-53


[1]  Dillow, Joseph C.  Life in the Spirit.  Reign of the Servant Kings: A Study of Eternal Security and the Final Significance of Man.  Hayesville, NC, Schoettle Publishing Co., 2006; pp. 368-371.  

Face Death

Look Death Square in the Face

In October I took a car trip south to Phoenix for a conference.  The conference was awesome, but God was much, much more.  He showed me unspeakable love turn after turn and opened my eyes.  I became aware of a deeper calling to live the image of Christ.  Less of me, more of Him.  This was right when I was doing great in my life, that I received a vision of His love.  He loves precious and cheerful sacrifices.  Remember Christ when they wanted to make Him King, and He slipped away from the five thousand to escape to a mountain and be alone (John 6:15)?  I can assure you, no one is knocking on my door forcing me to be King, and it's not likely to happen anytime soon for sure.  But the application is usable.  Christ-follower, are you feeding the crowd with the Bread of Heaven?  If you're not running hard against the grain of self-sufficiency, find a friend who will covenant to discipline you to be different.

'The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning' Ecc. 7:4

Jesus' temptation was living in His own strength and His own identity.  That is why He described discipleship as continually hating one's own life (John 12:25).  What happened in the incarnation of God in the womb of Mary?  Jesus set aside the favor & exercise of deity.  What happened in the early hours of prayer every morning for Jesus during His three year ministry?  Jesus set aside the favor & exercise of deity.  When His potential was its zenith He fled into the image of an unrecognized attendant and died.  He looked death straight in the face.  He didn't just gaze at it on occasion.  No; it was a continual mirror by which He corrected all His steps.  "Better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of feasting" (Ecc. 7:2).  Mourning allows the heart to connect with the disenfranchised, who God is already passionate to undertake.  Mourning allows a whole community to hope in God as one.  Abundant salvation awaits those who continually take up a fresh image of brokenness.  True harmony and Body unity awaits.

Death means holding perfectly still, "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10).  It also means "the life I live now, I live by faith in the Son of God" (Gal. 2:20)  There is no way to measure how much power could come into our works, if we would pursue the discipline.  I have found that when I come up for air out of a time of stillness, there has measurably been more of God's power happening through me and around me.  People get right with God left and right.  I'm getting right with God too.  It is a great place to experience.

It is hard, at times.  Very, very hard because it hurts.  It's confusing.  As soon as the pain comes from the emptiness to go without "things to be doing to remember who I am," even if you thought you were trusting God in those do-ings, trust me, you might go a little crazy when you surrender "do-ing" completely.  But this is where deeper trust develops.  Busyness delays what God desires to demonstrate.  Bring death to kiss self-effort.  Repeat it, over, and over and over, till it becomes practice.  Looking back, I am so thankful that the LORD invited me to pure death.  Recall Abraham, who waited 25 years for the promise of having a baby.  He started off, trusting God to do it.  Later he seemed to have forgotten that his body was already dead.  His flesh wanted to "help God out" who he still trusted, mixing faith-with-self-effort, and he acquired Hagar.  Don't give in to Plan B!!  (I know, it seems impossible!)  God wants to be the hero of your story.  If you have an accident, if Plan B and Plan C continually make you trip and fall down into self-sufficiency, don't surrender to the mistake.  Get up.  Go back.  Trust in God, alone.  Sarah stopped sweating and then brought forth Isaac.  God's faithfulness is not dependent on whether you conceived Ishmaels here and there as a Christ-follower.  It is dependent on His integrity alone.  Dear Christian, God is unconditionally the hero of your circumstances.  He will unconditionally perform His promise.

Don't Wait for False Life to Kill You

I'm still on this journey that started in October.  I am not sure where I am going.  Yes - that hurts, a lot.  Faith-alone, instead of faith+my own contribution, is more challenging and more counter-intuitive than any other Spiritual discipline.  Even blogging tempts me back to self-sufficiency.  Don't wait till you fall in exhaustion from false sources of life.  Offer yourself to His discipline well before you see signs of corruption.  Get uber-upset with any force in your life which feels phony, beginning with the log in your own eye first.  Could you stop right now, and pursue Him afresh through mourning and sacrifice of 'the great Christian life'?

May the LORD enlighten your eyes and mine too, to pursue the full measure of the love of God!

'No eye has seen, No ear has heard, No mind has imagined what God has in store for those who love Him.'

1 Corinthians 2:2

Isaiah 54

"Sing, O childless woman,
you who have never given birth!
Break into loud and joyful song,
O Jerusalem,
You who have never been in labor.
For the desolate woman now has more children
than the woman who lives with her husband,"
says the LORD.
"Enlarge your house; build an addition.
Spread out your home,
and spare no expense!
For you will soon be bursting at the seams.
Your descendants will occupy other nations
and resettle the ruined cities.

Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.
Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.
You will no longer remember the shame of your youth
and the sorrows of widowhood.
For your Creator will be your husband;
the LORD of Heaven’s Armies is his name!
He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel,
the God of all the earth.
For the LORD has called you back from your grief—
as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband,”
says your God.

“For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with great compassion I will take you back.
In a burst of anger I turned my face away for a little while.
But with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,”
says the LORD, your Redeemer.
“Just as I swore in the time of Noah
that I would never again let a flood cover the earth,
so now I swear
that I will never again be angry and punish you.
For the mountains may move
and the hills disappear,
but even then my faithful love for you will remain.
My covenant of blessing will never be broken,”
says the LORD, who has mercy on you.

"O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted!
I will rebuild you with precious jewels
and make your foundations from lapis lazuli.
I will make your towers of sparkling rubies,
your gates of shining gems,
and your walls of precious stones.
I will teach all your children,
and they will enjoy great peace.
You will be secure under a government that is just and fair.
Your enemies will stay far away.
You will live in peace,
and terror will not come near.
If any nation comes to fight you,
it is not because I sent them.
Whoever attacks you will go down in defeat.

I have created the blacksmith
who fans the coals beneath the forge
and makes the weapons of destruction.
And I have created the armies that destroy.
But in that coming day
no weapon turned against you will succeed.
You will silence every voice
raised up to accuse you.
These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the LORD;
their vindication will come from me.
I, the LORD, have spoken!"

The Ignore-Accuse Prison

(transitioning on the theme of "identity" from the Gospel of John)

What is the "Ignore-Accuse Prison"?

This describes Joseph's sufferings in the book of Genesis.  The "ignore-accuse prison" was Joseph's lot in life for thirteen years.  Those he relied on would not let him fulfill the call God made on his life in the family, or in the community.  When he was interacting, he was quickly accused.  When he was taken into custody, he was quickly silenced.  Joseph would have loved to perform what God set before him, and at the same time quickly resolve relational strife, but he could not have both immediately.  Accusing and ignoring kept him isolated from those who could potentially defend and help him.  Nevertheless they could not restrain God's plans, only help fulfill them.  

Resentment snowballs. A little resentment within his family turned him into a slave, and once he was presented as a slave in Egypt, it was easy to indict him as a criminal. But Joseph never deserved slavery or prison.  Nevertheless he's fruitful in his place of affliction.  Everything he does prospers in his hand, because God is with him.  In fact God blesses the whole prison because of one God-fearing man.

From the outset Joseph's greatest devotion was to God.  His family was a close second.  Joseph's relationship with his brothers is highlighted in scripture at the moment Joseph ran to his father to tattle on them (Gen. 37:2).  His brothers hated him because he cared more for his father and more for doing what was right than maintaining the status quo.  When he told his brothers that God had chosen him for his zeal, they turned intolerant.  The truth of the matter is, God chose Joseph to go places and do things that few are presently prepared to undertake.  And that should have been okay, but obtaining Joseph's silence at any cost began to look like the better choice.  It grieved him deeply to lose his brothers' acceptance for the sake of what is right.  When the stranger asked Joseph, "What are you seeking?" he could not have been more transparent -- "I am seeking my brothers" (Gen. 37:15-16).

Later in Egypt, Potiphar's wife was captivated by appearances.  When she couldn't wield power over him in his subordinate position in the house, she wielded it by expelling him from the house.  She had no tolerance for his success which she knew came from the one true God he constantly spoke about.  She conspired to overpower him not only by falsely accusing his actions as criminal but also by belittling his ethnic disparity; "See, he has brought in a Hebrew to mock us" (Gen. 39:14,17).  She was proud of her people and her gods.  The package deal of Joseph-and-his-God were just a little too intimidating.

Joseph's God was not only present but armed with recompense.  (He is the same today, blessing those who mourn.)  Those who saw what Joseph could do did not know how to keep him down to size.  They didn't want Joseph's ministry to compel them to engage God.  They tried to sequester him within the ignore-accuse prison, but God only blessed him more.  His favor was so obvious to everyone, it no longer made sense to constrain him.  Joseph was released, of course, by the testimony of a lowly cupbearer.  By then God had invested him with enough resources to bless an immeasurable number of people.

Joseph must have harbored a wide range of emotions toward the cupbearer.  For two years he knew what Joseph was capable of doing but did not vouch for him.  Surely Joseph's "companions" were disappointment, anger and hurt.  Would the cupbearer ever come through?  Hope in God sustained him through the years.  When the cupbearer finally spoke out about Joseph's capacity, all his bitter feelings were replaced with overwhelming gratitude.  The cupbearer set Joseph free at great personal risk to his own reputation.  Potiphar was the Captain of Pharaoh's guard and had Pharaoh's trust.  The cupbearer had himself spent time in the Captain's jail where he had met Joseph, and Potiphar had set his course with Joseph when he chose to defend his wife's reputation.  Potiphar must have been incredulous as Joseph was brought forth.

Joseph's favor was readily apparent to everyone.  For the small handful who betrayed him, the obvious flair for success God gave Joseph was tantamount to proof not only of Joseph's innocence, but the supremacy of Himself as the only Living God.  Like the cupbearer, God gives an identity as one who is fully accepted and entitled to participate.  His betrayers follow the cupbearer's example and begin a process of healing and restoration in Joseph's life.

Are You in Ignore-Accuse Prison?

Are you repeatedly accused?  Are you typically ignored for some odd reason?  If this seems to be your lot in life, what have you contributed to your own ignore-accuse prison?  Have you been like everyone has at one point or another: prideful, selfish, or sinful?  What does Scripture say?  1 Pet. 2:19-20,

For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.

If you have been accused and ignored for doing wrong, God is your redeeming "Joseph."  He uses your evil for His good and will eventually set you free through the Holy Spirit.  1 Pet. 4:1-2

Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God.

If you have been accused and ignored and yet are innocent, you are "Joseph" to your brothers.  God uses their evil for your good and will set you free also.  1 Pet 4:12-14,

Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.  If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. On their part He is blasphemed, but on your part He is glorified.

Prisoners who hunger and thirst for righteousness have a cupbearer!  His name is Jesus Christ.  He is the Savior of everyone in captivity - deserved or undeserved.  He promises to bring to light whatever you've done in the Holy Spirit.  In the meantime, ask God to bless you like he did Joseph.  God will grow you into a fruitful branch through faith.  Your present imprisonment will make righteousness come alive to many more eyes than you will ever know.  1 Pet. 4:19,

Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator.

Jacob's Blessing 

Joseph is a fruitful bough,
A fruitful bough by a well;
His branches run over the wall.

The archers have bitterly grieved him,
Shot at him and hated him.

But his bow remained in strength,
And the arms of his hands were made strong
By the hands of the Mighty God of Jacob
(From there is the Shepherd, the Stone of Israel),

By the God of your father who will help you,
And by the Almighty who will bless you
With blessings of heaven above,
Blessings of the deep that lies beneath,
Blessings of the breasts and of the womb.

The blessings of your father
Have excelled the blessings of my ancestors,
Up to the utmost bound of the everlasting hills.
They shall be on the head of Joseph,
And on the crown of the head of him who was separate from his brothers.
Gen. 49:22-26 

May we through patient endurance obtain similar favor from the LORD when the sons of God are revealed; and praise the Son of God from whom we receive so great a life!

The Lacking Afflictions of Christ

Elisabeth Elliott wrote about trials in her book A Path Through Suffering. I can't quite remember her exact application of Colossians 1:24, but afterward it left me with the impression that we are co-redeemers with Him. I'm surely to blame for my confusion. The verse says,

I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His Body, which is the church....

Is Christ lacking afflictions? Does He desire Christians to suffer the remainder? What does this mean? The NKJV Nelson Study Bible notes say we are not coredeemers:

"In this verse, Paul is not saying that Christ's death was insufficient or that somehow he was a coredeemer with Christ. Paul is making the point that a Christian will endure the sufferings that Christ would be enduring if He were still in the world. Christ had told his disciples that if the world hated Him it would hate His followers. If people persecuted Him they would persecute His followers. Paul believed he was suffering the afflictions God wanted Him to endure. Instead of facing his difficulties with dread Paul saw his troubles as a sign of joy, because they were producing an eternal reward."

They were producing more than eternal reward. I'm looking at the context. It says that the afflictions are being filled up in Paul "for the sake" of the Body. More of the context beginning in verse 24:

I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His body, which is the church, of which I became a minister according to the stewardship from God which was given to me for you, to fulfill the word of God, the mystery which has been hidden from ages and from generations, but now has been revealed to His saints. To them God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. To this end I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightily.

Paul's focus is for others, as he agonizes. He's thinking about the Gentiles for their salvation and the Church for their perfecting. He writes similarly of the same issue in 2 Corinthians 1:5-7.

For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation.

Here I notice that the consolation is for Paul and the consolation is also for others. The consolation to Paul is so that he might "give aid" (another definition of being "effective") to those who are enduring affliction in the present. This goes far beyond eternal gain. What kind of aid is being dispensed in the midst of Paul's sufferings? Salvation? Sanctification? I think I'm hearing both.

I still wonder about those "lacking afflictions" (Col. 1:24) with which Paul is being filled. Aren't his descriptions of purpose and design in those passages a very Isaiah 53 feel? Verse 5 of this Old Testament prophecy about Jesus Christ says:

But He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.

Jesus and Paul appear to be doing exactly the same business. This is the Way in which justification and sanctification are catalyzed.

Jesus came not to do His own will, but the will of the Father. He emptied Himself of the privilege to exercise His Deity nature, so that everything He had came to Him directly from the Father. In His affliction He was modeling for us this new Way; He was effecting for us our total salvation (deliverance from the punishment, power & presence of sin). But He did not surrender being fully God. He is the perfect Lamb of God from before the beginning of time and this is why we are not coredeemers with Christ. It is so important for the lost person to come to conviction that Jesus is the Son of God. He may have suffered like a criminal or heretic. He may have been crucified in weakness. He sure looks like we do and us Him. He was afflicted and we all after Him, but He is also eternally Messiah. Let that be part of the testimony as Comfort flows out.

The Approachable Christ

If Christ were not so helpless He would not have been so humble.

The shepherds were told great news that would be for all people. "Today in the City of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ the LORD" (Lk. 2:11). When they had seen the Babe they went and spread the word about who He was and everyone was amazed.

As an infant, who could Christ have defended Himself from? Who could He have stopped from coming into His presence? He could not be discriminate - and this - this is the way in which a Savior, for us, came into our midst.

In His atoning death, He was pierced in His hands and feet to a cross. He was pinned down, and unable to move, but still alive. Who could Christ have defended Himself from? Who could He have stopped from coming into His presence? The cross was His appointed time to suffer. Anyone could come toward Him with any desire. If their will was to pierce His side, or, if it was to find salvation at the very last moment, they could have their way.

"hand nailed to cross" by Horseman

Pinned down, but still alive. He could not be discriminate - and this - this is the way in which a Savior, for us, left our midst.

Thank you LORD and Savior Jesus Christ, our humble King.

His n' Hers

I've been thinking a lot lately about glory.

Steve Saint is coming to my church on March 22. Saint's life story is the subject of a 2006 independent film titled End of the Spear. I have written a lot about it on my blog but I haven't label-linked it up yet. This is incredible for me. I have written many blog posts on the missionary stories and authorship of his family and fellow co-laborers. Out to my garage I went and dusted off those Elisabeth Elliott books. My how I love them.



















Steve and Ginny Saint


What one story stuck in my mind?

As the first missionary in Algiers, Lilias Trotter was often staggered by the immensity of the task of carrying the gospel across the desert wastes to the countless little villages hidden among the sandhills. After seven years she went to England, so exhausted she felt that she needed, "weeks for prayer, but at present I don't seem to have sense for concentration in prayer or anything else, and I am just vegetating, and writing up this journal...." The doctors said her nerves and heart were worn by the strain of the battle and by the climate. Added to these physical buffetings was the sense of evil and spiritual oppression.

A group of Sunday School leaders... visited her in 1907, asking to "see the work."

Then came the clue in the old saying, "Difficulty is the very atmosphere of miracle." She wrote, "We decided to show in all honesty, not what we had done, but what had not been done, and believe in God to use the very weakness of it all."

The day arrived..., and she showed them maps she had arranged around her courtyard, "with their woefully thin firing line of stations, and the still sadder record given by tiny red flags of places once visited, and left again to their darkness...". And the outcome? Before [the group] had returned home, they had raised enough money to support six missionaries for three years. God used "the very weakness of it all."

[1]

It was that story; the story of nothing. The story of serving Christ and having nothing to show for it. Christ had the greatest glory when she had the least notoriety or praise. What about my missions? Be honest "Sanc": are you attracted to your missions because you want His glory, or hers? Well, right now in my life I'm experiencing passion for doing a few ministries that bring attention to self. Going to Rwanda, presenting the gospel to all the Cubbies last Wednesday, picking up blogging again and so on. Somewhat up front, center. Hmm. Some missions require being highly visible. People need ministry in crowds as much as they do in the backward places. The strain of the public mission is, like Paul who tore his clothes in distress, being diligent to keep pointing to heaven in all things. Is a public ministry more strenuous... than an obscure one? I am thankful to have found in times passed that there is a lot of pleasure in having only Christ's attention in a place few notice as ministry. I also recall at this time how I adore Debi Pearl's Created to be His Helpmeet. My roommates groomed me from the first moments of consciousness in Christ, with this mindset.

Are the public ministries less sanctifying? Is it possible the obscure ministries are less sanctifying? I'm not really sure.

It is really hard to imagine finding a sort of ministry where the attention of humanity is nullified.

I've spent a lot of years of my life pressing on in service where I had no praise or attention. It may have energized me lately to put on the opposite type and see... how Christ provides. But as I write this, I look back on those "paths through suffering" days and think, "ahh." Those were kind of sweet, I miss that.

I thank you LORD, for your love and your rest. Help me have open hands to receive what You would give, and keep me squarely placed in Your own will and not my own.



[1] Elliott, Elisabeth. A Path Through Suffering. Regal Books, Ventura CA. 1990, pp.109-110, 113

Why suffer?

In an old blog post titled "If it die, if it die, if it die", an excellent quote:

The words that were left indelibly in my mind were those of Jesus just before He went to the cross, quoted by Walker as the only plan which ensures success: "Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die it bringeth forth much fruit" (jn 12:24). Each time I hear or read those words they come alive for me because Thomas Walker and Amy Carmichael both staked their lives on them, willing to be a corn of wheat, embrace what is contrary to human nature, and be -buried- in South India in order that others might find the true life. When, by my own faults and indifference, or the distractions of the world, I have drifted from this changeless principle (and imagined that I might -avoid- the deaths and somehow be fruitful) the words have rung again in the ears of my soul, -if it die, if it die, if it die-.

-Elisabeth Elliot, "A Path Through Suffering," pg 42

And scripture says:

We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 2 cor 4:10-12

Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Col 1:24,27

Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave.... I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. 1 Cor 9:19, 23

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Phil 3:10

For though He was crucified in weakness, yet He lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in Him, but we shall live with Him by the power of God toward you. 2 cor 13:4

Like any good Baptist I suppose I'm afraid of testimony, and I don't know how to authenticate it or discern its merit without seeing it in scripture. Hence this post. "Why suffer?" I see in these verses that a spiritual transaction happens - the Spirit plants seeds in others, and disciples are made for Jesus Christ. The suffering of one causes the help to others.

I found this verse, and it comforted me because I am weak.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you steadfast. 1 Pet 5:10

look backward child

Looking backward is foolish if it is meant to boast. But it can be useful, too. At times it is all a Christian may have. Remembering how God has taken us through is a great source of encouragement.

There is a phrase for a time in our walk where God seems to disappear. They call it "The Dark Night of the Soul." The dark night of the soul refers to a dryness as simple as a spiritual discipline not returning the product it once did, or it may more seriously signal a sever altogether of the effectual presence of God.

In November of 2005 I had a miscarriage, and I wrote a few posts in regard to it. While gaining my senses I looked backward and remembered what I had said to God. I remembered that He was leading me. I chronicled my remembrances in two posts.

On November 23, 2005 I wrote in a blog entry:

Before the turn of the year 2005, I read a book I already recently quoted called "A Path Through Suffering" by Elizabeth Elliot. Not that any book should create in anyone a following and a devotion in likeness to scripture; however, at the end of her life, which was victoriously walked in intimacy to Christ, she simply has the wisdom to put the pieces together. Why should I not try and glean, to listen, to sit at her feet and absorb what she gained at a price??

This book was able to inspire me with an all-consuming love and trust for Christ. It was so inspiring that I was able to say to the Lord back then a year ago, "Lord, I am ready to go anywhere you want. No matter what that may look like. Would you let me suffer for Christ?"

And now everyone I imagine is thinking it is time to commit me to a mental facility. It sounds crazy. But you should have seen the love and peace I saw through the illumination of that path....

Then following day I wrote in a post what I prayed for my future:

And you will not believe what I happily prayed to God at some moment in it: "God, I am ready to sacrifice more. Anything you want, Lord, you can have it."

And that is when the trouble came. I suffered nothing more again in likeness to a miscarriage outwardly in my life, but inwardly all I could explain to others was that my God had "pulled the rug out from underneath me." This was a dark night of the soul in my life.

September 14, 2006

I have some bad news. I really honestly can't see my way out of this cyclic spin I'm in. It's too far out of my grasp to deliver myself. I am truly stuck. Does God ever decide to pull out the rug on someone? I know that sounds harsh. But, come to think of it, it feels harsh.

January 24, 2007

But I'm not interested in what I ought to be. All I can think about, is anything else. I rarely make myself behold a panoramic view of where I should be and where I have taken to. To do that feels like a knife twisting and turning inside. Still, I cannot believe myself. I haven't given up hope. I keep waiting for God to change me. I don't know how to help myself. I am beginning to wonder if someone else has to help me.

January 31, 2007

It's so bad that a couple nights ago I said to myself, "Can I just... not be a Christian anymore? Say that I don't believe in God?" It's only the people I love and the truth that is a message of hope which makes me try and fight and believe that maybe I too, can be redeemed.

February 5, 2007, on the eve of the birth of my third child

What had been is gone. Finally, I am able to look at babies, and remember why they are so delightful. Wow, it's like I've awaken. I don't know why I'm better. All I think is, thank you God, and please, please don't leave me now, old self. Stay.

March 30, 2007, the darkness didn't lift after having healed as a mother

I have to find a way to be a Christian. I don't know where to start, but, I know that's where I've decided to go. I think I've seen this before. I had to make a difficult choice. Still, I don't know how to reach around the pain to grasp faith. I don't have any ideas. I have complete lack of confidence that I will walk away from this post and be any better at closing the disconnect. At least at this juncture I'm open to the potential. I have to, and I am willing, to offer at least that small hope.

May 16, 2007, relating to Jesus' request to let this cup of suffering pass by Him

The account of Jesus in the garden before his arrest is a fulfillment of prophecy in Psalm 88:8....

"You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape."

Finally in October of 2007, maybe I was beginning to hear His voice on occasion, just a little bit. This was such a great post of release and conclusion. In full it said:

Can you hear the song tuning in clear, and pick up the melody and sing along with all your heart? I can hear it now and I don't hold back.

So? Life has troubles, and now it's becoming obvious that they don't stop... therefore what needs to change is me. If I don't learn to live right now then I won't ever be able to sing along with the song that someone is playing for Him. Life's always been lived in moments, present-tense; but because of my immaturity all I was was tense in the present.

I have been aware that I need to let go for some time and I still am at a loss, several experiments later, as to how to do that--how to focus the soul's passions toward the exterior--but even that I'm not going to worry about.

I suppose it is natural to forget where you are with God. How cool it is to rediscover, as it comes spilling out of your mouth, your origin-stories of trust in Him as you happen onto it in conversation.

I remember how I used to be long ago. Do you? So frequently the right word at the right time for the right need, I felt like I had one ear in heaven, and my joy, in everything I did, was so full in the promises of God. How I miss that easy-access to learning at his feet; somehow I had that privilege before and I know it was wonderful. I am looking for my old-self, I wanna go back to the way it was, yeah. I've been waiting for some time but there is "no normal" -- God's voice keeps to a warp and a muffle before it trickles down from the sky -- yet, I am at peace finally. When all other lights go out, the past illuminates that the straight and narrow is, as ever was, before me.

There is abundant joy backing me up from the rear and mist and fog in arm's reach ahead. Somebody ought best to twist me around and have me start walking backward.

Faith is not easy to put into practice. But I like grace, which is the present-tense capture of its essence. I like how simple it is. It deals with the difficulties of the moment until the moment is gone. And then it sings a song that floats on the evening breeze.

Walking forward while looking backward. This is the reason why I wrote this post. The LORD commanded us to "remember" Him by taking the sacraments. The Patriarchs of our faith built altars and pillars to remember and memorialize what the LORD had accomplished. To boast would be one thing. But when life gets a little dark, sometimes the only thing left to keep you steady is looking back over where you've already been.

I realize that the "Dark Night of the Soul" is mystical and some people think it flat-out nonsense. That's okay. To defend it scripturally I could site how the prophet Elijah had a great spiritual high followed by a depression. And Peter had passion for Jesus that led him to immaturely say "even if all others fall away, I won't." And I see Moses, as a young man being told who God was and that he belonged to God's people, but it wasn't till he was an old man that God personally gave him a testimony of it. I wrote a post recently asking if perhaps John the Baptist might have "lost his salvation" because in a dark prison he doubled-back and doubted who Jesus was.

LORD, I love you, and I know what you have done for me. I've been busy lately. But when I heard this song, I realized everything at once. You were always there. And I need to say it. You were always... there.

"Made to be Like Them"

In the last couple of days I've become a little under the weather again, but I am sure it is a result of stress.

This week I have been called upon to submit a letter of witness in a court proceeding, and, as I struggled to write it I took a view to where I was and where I am at this time.

As I recount the case of a friend of mine, I can't help but wonder and marvel. Most likely she and I wouldn't naturally had been friends because we're very different. I remember clearly that God called me and empowered me through a tremendous love from above, to get to know her more deeply than what was on the surface. And then, one day it happened: she began to divulge her circumstance, and as she went I had a sinking feeling, realizing that it was similar to mine.

I wanted to break loose from the painful circumstances, and so did she. But as she indeed took that path of surrender and disillusion with God, somehow, someway, I found myself not giving up completely. I even still found myself with good reason to stand up for the truth of the gospel and for her sometimes even though I had a heart filled with disillusion.

Why did the LORD let that go so far? Doesn't He know what could have happened to me? But, I suppose He was there all the while....

the proverbial 'fork in the road'

I stand back and look at the place where we diverged. Why? Why did God let those circumstances come into my life? Why into hers? It seemed like I could not have been any closer to falling off the edge, like her, and yet there I hung by a string. Then, God saved me. Now, He has made he His partner in His work in an unbelievably satisfying manner.

I am not any better than her. I just have an amazing God who wants to lead the way out, one child of God at a time.

Please pray for this friend of mine, that through our intimacy and the example of God's provision in me, she too may turn back and trust God.

Jesus modeled faith for our sake, and the Father resurrected Him to life.

Did John the Baptist lose his salvation?

And when John had heard in prison about the works of Christ, he sent two of his disciples and said to Him, “Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?”
Jesus answered and said to them, “Go and tell John the things which you hear and see: The blind see and the lame walk; the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear; the dead are raised up and the poor have the gospel preached to them. And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.”
As they departed, Jesus began to say to the multitudes concerning John: “What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed shaken by the wind? But what did you go out to see? A man clothed in soft garments? Indeed, those who wear soft clothing are in kings’ houses. But what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I say to you, and more than a prophet. For this is he of whom it is written:

‘ Behold, I send My messenger before Your face,
Who will prepare Your way before You.’

“Assuredly, I say to you, among those born of women there has not risen one greater than John the Baptist; but he who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.

matt 11:2-11

John the Baptist lost his assurance that Jesus was the Lamb of God. At one time, he was confident.

John the Baptist preached about the "Coming One" before His arrival. John preached that this One would baptize with Holy Spirit and with fire, that He would cleanse the threshing floor. Next, he said to Jesus when he met Him in the Jordan River: "I need to be baptized by You, and You are coming to me?" (matt 3:11-14) Therefore John must have believed, at that time, that Jesus was the Coming One.

John the Baptist bore witness that Jesus was the One for whom he had been preparing the way:

And John bore witness, saying, “I saw the Spirit descending from heaven like a dove, and He remained upon Him. I did not know Him, but He who sent me to baptize with water said to me, ‘Upon whom you see the Spirit descending, and remaining on Him, this is He who baptizes with the Holy Spirit.’ And I have seen and testified that this is the Son of God.”

john 1:32-34

In his moment of weakness look how Jesus defends John. “What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed shaken by the wind? But what did you go out to see? Yes... and more." I see how the LORD confirmed him, ironically when he was in the midst of the deepest confusion.

Can this be a comfort to anyone we know today in our world? Have any of us been pleased at one time to walk with the LORD and especially to suffer according to His will, and then, while there in the darkness, in the futility, in the loneliness... confusion and doubt and even bitterness become a constant struggle?

But God's salvation is bigger than our doubts. And He loves us when we suffer for Him, even when we suffer in the form of receiving circumstances that cause us to be unsure of Jesus.

John's example is of great comfort to me.

Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light
by Brian Kolodiejchuk

I am happy

Can you hear the song tuning in clear, and pick up the melody and sing along with all your heart? I can hear it now and I don't hold back.

So? Life has troubles, and now it's becoming obvious that they don't stop... therefore what needs to change is me. If I don't learn to live right now then I won't ever be able to sing along with the song that someone is playing for Him. Life's always been lived in moments, present-tense; but because of my immaturity all I was was tense in the present.

I have been aware that I need to let go for some time and I still am at a loss, several experiments later, as to how to do that--how to focus the soul's passions toward the exterior--but even that I'm not going to worry about.

I suppose it is natural to forget where you are with God. How cool it is to rediscover, as it comes spilling out of your mouth, your origin-stories of trust in Him as you happen onto it in conversation.

I remember how I used to be long ago. Do you? So frequently the right word at the right time for the right need, I felt like I had one ear in heaven, and my joy, in everything I did, was so full in the promises of God. How I miss that easy-access to learning at his feet; somehow I had that privilege before and I know it was wonderful. I am looking for my old-self, I wanna go back to the way it was, yeah. I've been waiting for some time but there is "no normal" -- God's voice keeps to a warp and a muffle before it trickles down from the sky -- yet, I am at peace finally. When all other lights go out, the past illuminates that the straight and narrow is, as ever was, before me.

There is abundant joy backing me up from the rear and mist and fog in arm's reach ahead. Somebody ought best to twist me around and have me start walking backward.

Faith is not easy to put into practice. But I like grace, which is the present-tense capture of its essence. I like how simple it is. It deals with the difficulties of the moment until the moment is gone. And then it sings a song that floats on the evening breeze.

A short collection of amazing scriptures

We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 2 cor 4:10-12

Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Col 1:24,27

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself.... Phil 2:1-8

Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave.... I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. 1 Cor 9:19, 23

I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it in the Holy Spirit—I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, those of my own race, the people of Israel. Rom 9:1-4

For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves. You are those who have stood by me in my trials. And I confer on you a kingdom, just as my Father conferred one on me, so that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and sit on thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. Luke 22:27-30

He feels it too

This is the first time in a long time I have found a living example I could connect with.

Yeah, I'd heard about the prophet Elijah and how he had a great spiritual high followed by a depression. And I heard about Peter and his passion for Jesus that led him to pride and say "even if all others fall away, I won't." And I saw Moses, how though he was told as a young man who God was and that he belonged to God's people, it wasn't till he was an old man that God personally gave him a testimony of it. These stories have brought me some comfort to think there is hope for me.

It's this story though that helps me most, so far: Jesus asked three times in the nighttime of the garden before his arrest, "Take this cup from me."

Jesus was the one who in the beginning set forth a battle with a fallen creature named Satan. He is the one who designed the idea to place a tree of choice in the middle of Eden, and who cast humanity out of paradise with a curse, the cherubim and their flaming swords preventing return. Jesus designed all this as the fate of our universe. And yet here in the garden He said "Everything is possible with God. Take this cup from me." So I assume He could have done it. He had everything at his command. He could have gathered up all his saints in a single moment, even without suffering and dying; without drinking that bitter cup. He could have made our universe without needing a Savior to suffer.

So why?

Why drink it, Jesus? You have all power to stop it. You are deeply distressed and troubled. You know that they all are just about to flee your side. Even the Father will turn His back. It leaves you all alone, and friendless, pressing on to do what had been set out by your plan.

Oh... so You really do understand the forsaken, then.

On 4/9/07 I wrote in a blog entry titled "Question":

Why is it that God came for the broken and for the sinners? The oppressed, those without, etc.? Why does he call himself their God? It seems to me God is claiming to be all about a group of people who want nothing to do with Him.

The account of Jesus in the garden before his arrest is a fulfillment of prophecy in Psalm 88:8....

"You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape."

Does He really know, does He really care?

The authors of Lady in Waiting used the visual of an alabaster box that contained all a woman's expectations and hopes of marriage, but for me I saw it then and also now as methodology by which Jesus would be selected as Lord of my whole life. Why stop with just those specific expectations? I knew it could be all of my hopes, my ideals, my fears... everything.

Just to bring it to Jesus was a big deal; carrying it in my hands, feeling protective of it as I transport it there because of the value of the contents, and setting it down, all were good. Surrendering it, was... a good thing. But the book described the custom with a detail of breaking it, too. Breaking it, so to spread a pleasant aroma at His feet like spilt perfume.

For me the process could not have been permanently effective without the added step of breaking it.

Leaving those items poured out as a mess, unable to gather up again, left me with only Jesus to look at. He knew what was spilt. He watched me bless Him with it. Now He would have to be real with me in response.

So I traded my cares for loving Jesus... whom I had been told, loves me.

No more do I have to mess around with re-reading doctrines of grace; no, no no.... This is superior to everything I learned. It's actual relationship. Somewhere along the way I forsook and forgot it though I never lost it. I am glad to just be living in a relational way with Jesus again. No more fear, no more stress, no more complication.

Waiting for Jesus, and watching for Jesus -- that's all I have to do. Letting Him prove Himself to me.

Jehovah-Jireh

Psalm 143

O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.

The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.

So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.

I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.
Selah

Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD,
for I hide myself in you.

Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.

For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.

Conditions

I have to find a way to be a Christian. I don't know where to start, but, I know that's where I've decided to go.

I think I've seen this before. I had to make a difficult choice. When I was alone growing up at home, I was set to be rescued from my circumstances by a man; that's what I wanted. Yeah; it's what I wanted but year after year went by, and the pain of no such person materializing got worse and worse. Eventually I broke and decided I'd rather be saved by God in His own way than keep on waiting for my conditions to be met. And then, He helped me transform my thinking so that I could rescue myself. So, that worked out pretty well....

Now I see once again I am fighting what isn't fair in my life in the same way. I've set conditions, again. And, so far I haven't settled for anything less. I want it my way. I want fulfillment. Meanwhile time is ticking away, and my heart is wasting away. All these attitudes were stages I think I had to work through, and perhaps I've completed all of the negative ones now. This last one I'm engaging is very similar to the one I mentioned from the past, above: lowering my standards, to include a larger scope of fulfillment on God's terms.

Still, I don't know how to reach around the pain to grasp faith. I don't have any ideas. I have complete lack of confidence that I will walk away from this post and be any better at closing the disconnect. At least at this juncture I'm open to the potential. I have to, and I am willing, to offer at least that small hope.

Drive-by Disillusion

Surrender can't be on my terms. If I'm the one who is losing the battle, that means privilege is not mine.

Today I was driving and as I neared home I passed as I always do the very small and old apartment complex as I turn onto my street. Every time I have ever passed these homes I think about those who live there. All of them are Mexican-American, and many of them stand outside drinking beer and fixing their old cars. I know a few of the children who live there. I've done my best to reach out to one family there, a single mother and her three children. The kids have been over to my house several times through the years, and the eldest tells me in the summer that he can't come over to swim in my backyard because he has to go with his mother and pick berries to help make money. It breaks my heart and I love that mother very much even though I've never spoken to her.

This time when I drove by I thought of the image they must see in me (we wave when we see each other every time).... I'm wearing sunglasses, dressed nicely, driving a nice car, singing along to the music with the sun shining. I must look perfect to them. Like everything is going my way. Meanwhile, what am I thinking? I am thinking about what I don't have... which is obviously so much less than they.

Disappointment wouldn't be what it was if it didn't truly disappoint. If it were not inexplicable, unexpected, or unfair.

Does life hurt? Yes. For some people it hurts more than others. Some people have more than just one thing to be honestly saddened over.... A missing father, trouble making rent, social rejection; just a few of the things I could imagine in my mind that might dampen the cheery sunshine that's over everyone today.

As I wave and pass by, what if the feeling they feel when they see me, is disappointment and disillusion with their own life? What if when they see me they wonder why, and think life is unfair?

Have I lost touch with how wonderful what I have been given, truly is wonderful? I don't want to be the ignorantly prideful type who does a drive-by insult to those who live more humbly than I. If I think I've learned what it feels like to live with something unfair, I ought to practice discretion and gratitude over the good things I have.

Stay

What had been is gone.

Finally, I am able to look at babies, and remember why they are so delightful.

Whatever I had was so difficult. I'd commit to listen to Christian music, but it would make me sad. I'd watch home movies of our family and I felt disassociated like those days of innocence were gone. I couldn't see my future with this baby or with anything in my current path of circumstances.

But now, I look out the kitchen window at the clouds, and my posture straightens. Once again the world is full of hope. I see it as one big fat ball of ministry. I used to always think this way about life. I forgot how excited I always was.

I watched Liz when she was a baby, and I was shocked that I forgot about all the cute things, the babble and the amazing growth and everything -- I had kept no memory of it -- how did that happen to me?

I'm just beginning now to imagine the bundle of joy that will soon be mine. Wow, it's like I've awaken.

I don't know why I'm better. All I think is, thank you God, and please, please don't leave me now, old self. Stay.