Look Death Square in the Face
In October I took a car trip south to Phoenix for a conference. The conference was awesome, but God was much, much more. He showed me unspeakable love turn after turn and opened my eyes. I became aware of a deeper calling to live the image of Christ. Less of me, more of Him. This was right when I was doing great in my life, that I received a vision of His love. He loves precious and cheerful sacrifices. Remember Christ when they wanted to make Him King, and He slipped away from the five thousand to escape to a mountain and be alone (John 6:15)? I can assure you, no one is knocking on my door forcing me to be King, and it's not likely to happen anytime soon for sure. But the application is usable. Christ-follower, are you feeding the crowd with the Bread of Heaven? If you're not running hard against the grain of self-sufficiency, find a friend who will covenant to discipline you to be different.
Jesus' temptation was living in His own strength and His own identity. That is why He described discipleship as continually hating one's own life (John 12:25). What happened in the incarnation of God in the womb of Mary? Jesus set aside the favor & exercise of deity. What happened in the early hours of prayer every morning for Jesus during His three year ministry? Jesus set aside the favor & exercise of deity. When His potential was its zenith He fled into the image of an unrecognized attendant and died. He looked death straight in the face. He didn't just gaze at it on occasion. No; it was a continual mirror by which He corrected all His steps. "Better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of feasting" (Ecc. 7:2). Mourning allows the heart to connect with the disenfranchised, who God is already passionate to undertake. Mourning allows a whole community to hope in God as one. Abundant salvation awaits those who continually take up a fresh image of brokenness. True harmony and Body unity awaits.
Death means holding perfectly still, "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10). It also means "the life I live now, I live by faith in the Son of God" (Gal. 2:20) There is no way to measure how much power could come into our works, if we would pursue the discipline. I have found that when I come up for air out of a time of stillness, there has measurably been more of God's power happening through me and around me. People get right with God left and right. I'm getting right with God too. It is a great place to experience.
It is hard, at times. Very, very hard because it hurts. It's confusing. As soon as the pain comes from the emptiness to go without "things to be doing to remember who I am," even if you thought you were trusting God in those do-ings, trust me, you might go a little crazy when you surrender "do-ing" completely. But this is where deeper trust develops. Busyness delays what God desires to demonstrate. Bring death to kiss self-effort. Repeat it, over, and over and over, till it becomes practice. Looking back, I am so thankful that the LORD invited me to pure death. Recall Abraham, who waited 25 years for the promise of having a baby. He started off, trusting God to do it. Later he seemed to have forgotten that his body was already dead. His flesh wanted to "help God out" who he still trusted, mixing faith-with-self-effort, and he acquired Hagar. Don't give in to Plan B!! (I know, it seems impossible!) God wants to be the hero of your story. If you have an accident, if Plan B and Plan C continually make you trip and fall down into self-sufficiency, don't surrender to the mistake. Get up. Go back. Trust in God, alone. Sarah stopped sweating and then brought forth Isaac. God's faithfulness is not dependent on whether you conceived Ishmaels here and there as a Christ-follower. It is dependent on His integrity alone. Dear Christian, God is unconditionally the hero of your circumstances. He will unconditionally perform His promise.
Don't Wait for False Life to Kill You
I'm still on this journey that started in October. I am not sure where I am going. Yes - that hurts, a lot. Faith-alone, instead of faith+my own contribution, is more challenging and more counter-intuitive than any other Spiritual discipline. Even blogging tempts me back to self-sufficiency. Don't wait till you fall in exhaustion from false sources of life. Offer yourself to His discipline well before you see signs of corruption. Get uber-upset with any force in your life which feels phony, beginning with the log in your own eye first. Could you stop right now, and pursue Him afresh through mourning and sacrifice of 'the great Christian life'?
May the LORD enlighten your eyes and mine too, to pursue the full measure of the love of God!
In October I took a car trip south to Phoenix for a conference. The conference was awesome, but God was much, much more. He showed me unspeakable love turn after turn and opened my eyes. I became aware of a deeper calling to live the image of Christ. Less of me, more of Him. This was right when I was doing great in my life, that I received a vision of His love. He loves precious and cheerful sacrifices. Remember Christ when they wanted to make Him King, and He slipped away from the five thousand to escape to a mountain and be alone (John 6:15)? I can assure you, no one is knocking on my door forcing me to be King, and it's not likely to happen anytime soon for sure. But the application is usable. Christ-follower, are you feeding the crowd with the Bread of Heaven? If you're not running hard against the grain of self-sufficiency, find a friend who will covenant to discipline you to be different.
 |
| 'The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning' Ecc. 7:4 |
Jesus' temptation was living in His own strength and His own identity. That is why He described discipleship as continually hating one's own life (John 12:25). What happened in the incarnation of God in the womb of Mary? Jesus set aside the favor & exercise of deity. What happened in the early hours of prayer every morning for Jesus during His three year ministry? Jesus set aside the favor & exercise of deity. When His potential was its zenith He fled into the image of an unrecognized attendant and died. He looked death straight in the face. He didn't just gaze at it on occasion. No; it was a continual mirror by which He corrected all His steps. "Better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of feasting" (Ecc. 7:2). Mourning allows the heart to connect with the disenfranchised, who God is already passionate to undertake. Mourning allows a whole community to hope in God as one. Abundant salvation awaits those who continually take up a fresh image of brokenness. True harmony and Body unity awaits.
Death means holding perfectly still, "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10). It also means "the life I live now, I live by faith in the Son of God" (Gal. 2:20) There is no way to measure how much power could come into our works, if we would pursue the discipline. I have found that when I come up for air out of a time of stillness, there has measurably been more of God's power happening through me and around me. People get right with God left and right. I'm getting right with God too. It is a great place to experience.
It is hard, at times. Very, very hard because it hurts. It's confusing. As soon as the pain comes from the emptiness to go without "things to be doing to remember who I am," even if you thought you were trusting God in those do-ings, trust me, you might go a little crazy when you surrender "do-ing" completely. But this is where deeper trust develops. Busyness delays what God desires to demonstrate. Bring death to kiss self-effort. Repeat it, over, and over and over, till it becomes practice. Looking back, I am so thankful that the LORD invited me to pure death. Recall Abraham, who waited 25 years for the promise of having a baby. He started off, trusting God to do it. Later he seemed to have forgotten that his body was already dead. His flesh wanted to "help God out" who he still trusted, mixing faith-with-self-effort, and he acquired Hagar. Don't give in to Plan B!! (I know, it seems impossible!) God wants to be the hero of your story. If you have an accident, if Plan B and Plan C continually make you trip and fall down into self-sufficiency, don't surrender to the mistake. Get up. Go back. Trust in God, alone. Sarah stopped sweating and then brought forth Isaac. God's faithfulness is not dependent on whether you conceived Ishmaels here and there as a Christ-follower. It is dependent on His integrity alone. Dear Christian, God is unconditionally the hero of your circumstances. He will unconditionally perform His promise.
Don't Wait for False Life to Kill You
I'm still on this journey that started in October. I am not sure where I am going. Yes - that hurts, a lot. Faith-alone, instead of faith+my own contribution, is more challenging and more counter-intuitive than any other Spiritual discipline. Even blogging tempts me back to self-sufficiency. Don't wait till you fall in exhaustion from false sources of life. Offer yourself to His discipline well before you see signs of corruption. Get uber-upset with any force in your life which feels phony, beginning with the log in your own eye first. Could you stop right now, and pursue Him afresh through mourning and sacrifice of 'the great Christian life'?
May the LORD enlighten your eyes and mine too, to pursue the full measure of the love of God!
'No eye has seen, No ear has heard, No mind has imagined what God has in store for those who love Him.'1 Corinthians 2:2
15 comments:
Welcome back, Michele! How I have missed your thoughts!!!!
"God wants to be the hero of your story. If you have an accident, if Plan B and Plan C continually make you trip and fall down into self-sufficiency, don't surrender to the mistake. Get up. Go back. Trust in God, alone." This one really hits home with me because I am a "doer" myself and quite good at it, I must say. God is working these things out in my life too as we face hard decisions in trusting God to know where He is leading us. Much easier to follow when I can see where I am headed, but God in His mercy is showing He is trustworthy, ESPECIALLY in the darkness of the unkown.
My favorite translation of Psalm 46:10 is "Cease striving and know that I am God." May we all grow in our ability to be at peace in the place God has us, trusting Him.
Please keep sharing your journey as many are on it with you and if we can hold each other up, we are far stronger than a single strand. Ecc. 4:12
Your sister on the journey, Charity.
Hi Charity,
I should dedicate this post partly to you, for encouraging me to come back. You put hope in my heart. I am so glad you stopped in to say hello! Share whatever God has placed on your mind, I'd like God to keep things "on topic" for me.
Your sister on the journey,
Michele
Sorry it has taken some days for me to get back here. We have had a baby who was not feeling well, making long days and short nights for us all. I appreciate the kindness of your words, but feel, at times, that I have been rather pushy with you. It is only because I wanted to be allowed the priviledge of sharing your journey:)
As I go back once again to your comments, I am struck by the weight of your idea. I think that self-sufficiency really is the ultimate slap in the face of the God who died to restore an intimate relationship with us. When we act out on our own we say to Him "I don't need you, I can handle this". He knows that we cannot and any attempts to do so will only hurt us. I know that this grieves His heart very much. He knows that in dying to what we can do on our own, we allow Him to fill us and use us in ways we never imagined, but as you stated several times, this is a painful process, especially if we think we know what God is calling us to and our hearts desire is to "just get on with it". God desires so much more than the accomplishment of His will. He desires fellowship with us, to create in us His heart for this fallen world.
You have summarized the journey perfectly. "Mourning allows the heart to connect with the disenfranchised, who God is already passionate to undertake. Mourning allows a whole community to hope in God as one. Abundant salvation awaits those who continually take up a fresh image of brokenness. True harmony and Body unity awaits." This is what life is about, to connect to those God loves, no matter where they are on the journey and to experience true relationship with our Creator right now. This brokeness allows is to become ever more Christ-like and show who He is to a world that desperately needs Him.
Your post summarizes well what you are learning about who you are in this process. I am curious, though, what this process is teaching you about who God is. Our mutual friend Jim, has often referred to this as "disillusionment", the process of stripping away our illusions of who God is and creating a truer picture of Himself. I know my natural tendency is to take what I know is true of God and add to that characteristics of a God that is made in my image instead of the other way around. There is nothing like a time of brokeness to remind me that God is "totally other". I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
I am praying for ya!
Hi Charity!
Please, stick with me while we're on the same journey. Seriously. You have been perfect toward me, but I have been weak. That's all it was :)
I know my natural tendency is to take what I know is true of God and add to that characteristics of a God that is made in my image instead of the other way around. There is nothing like a time of brokeness to remind me that God is "totally other".
I don't mostly think of it like that, but I think it's what I'm experiencing. There really is a difference in the mind of the flesh and the mind that is of Christ. Sometimes I confuse the two! "But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy." james 3:17
I have wanted more of God, but not when I'm doing God-things. That's a big problem, isn't it. I get going on being busy, and get to the end of the day and realize, by comparison to the excellence of God, I have relationally forgotten Him.
I really am stopping a lot of stuff, to focus. The stuff I do is not what it seems. God could fix the situations I am serving, in an instant, if I believed in His power. What He wants me to do is believe.
And that is where the pain comes in. Because works are necessary to be instruments of God to others (God just chooses to use human beings to make disciples). And once I'm working I feel like I am tuned into God Spiritually. But I usually don't take that second step of asking God to do something and waiting to see how He will answer.
Who I am isn't really where I show up or what I do. Who I am is God working through me, wherever that is.
Tis hard, to learn. Takes super concentration. No routine is safe ;) Bahh!
Is the rest of the family well? What else could you share of what God is doing?
Very nice to talk.
Michele
Charity,
I pray the baby recovers soon. Write when it is a good time for you again. I will keep checking back.
Love Michele
inethThanks for the prayers. I made the decision to take the whole family to the park to be part of some ministry to the homeless there. I think, in spite of my best efforts the two littlest kiddos got a little too much cold air. They are fine now.
Wow! You have far more insight into what you are going through than you give yourself credit for."I have wanted more of God, but not when I'm doing God-things. That's a big problem, isn't it. I get going on being busy, and get to the end of the day and realize, by comparison to the excellence of God, I have relationally forgotten Him."
You have very eloquently summarized the whole problem with the Christian life, to be so busy in the doing that we neglect the relationship. We often live in denial that this is a tactic used by the enemy of our souls to sideline us from really being Jesus-with-skin-on. As Christians, we are often told that any service to God is good and needed and we are scolded for not participating. We are servants and are therefore NOT greater than our Master. Jesus himself needed times of refreshing, times to step away from serving the multitude to simply commune with the Father (and to care for His physical needs) Mark 6:31, Mark 1:35, Luke 9:18 for some examples. It takes courage to step back, as you are doing, and spend time working on your relationship with God. To, as you put it, "take that second step of asking God to do something and waiting to see how He will answer." Waiting, ughhhh!
This is a struggle I share and I must confess that the doing is easier for me than the relationship. Doing brings measurable results I can bend my mind around. It brings its own affirmations and I can feel as though I am making a difference. Relationship is much, much messier. This part of our walk is also much less emphasized in the teachings of most churches. I know that it was for me. I was raised in a very Lordship tradition. I was taught that grace might save me, but it was the performance of works that demonstrated that I was now "right with God". Also, relationship with a "father" was very painful in my childhood so my view of God has needed much correcting through scripture and the experience of a loving Heavenly Father. I am grateful everyday that God loves us right where we ae never gives up on us. I am grateful that His grace is given freely and not dependent on me at all.
Enough for now. I look forward to hearing from you as God responds to your listening to Him. I know He has great things in store.
Yikes, I am so sorry for the typo at the beginning of my last comment. I forgot to move the cursor to the word verification box before typing and did not catch it before posting.
Just browsing blogs here and there.
I'm so glad to see so many Christians around the internet.
Hi Charity,
Sorry it took me so long to respond.
This is a struggle I share and I must confess that the doing is easier for me than the relationship. Doing brings measurable results I can bend my mind around. It brings its own affirmations and I can feel as though I am making a difference. Relationship is much, much messier.
I certainly feel that way at times. Sometimes a friend calls and she tells me what is going on in her life, and the first thing I think is, "do I have that material item in my house?" Or other things. Things I already have to share, that are easy to replace. There's nothing wrong with that - it is what James talks about in chapter 2 if a man says he has need and you wish him well. However for me it had become a resting point in my responses. I am learning to pick up the cues of when it is simply time to pray for them, instead. So glad. I feel like I've learned this at certain points in my life - to intentionally, with others, invite God into our midst. Then later, I don't know for sure what happens. I guess I get into routine again and my mind dulls from just doing the same-old thing.
I am supposed to be living my life in a way that proves God is alive.
The best ways to do that is to see God do something I am certain I could have never gathered the resource for, on my own. He needs that kind of opportunity to win potential disciples. This is all a testimony of God.
Can you tell me a story of when God did something you are certain no one could have done for themselves?
Thanks for traveling on the journey sister!
Michele
Hi Firlit,
Believers are encouraging, indeed. Would you like to say a bit about yourself?
Nice to meet you
Michele
Michele:
Several years ago, my husband and I knew that we were going to be heading into some really tough times, consequences for past decisions made. We began to put aside money for us to live during this time and to wait for what we felt was inevitable. As the bad time came and we were living on what had been put aside, I sat down to pay bills one day and I noticed that there was no way that the balance of the bank was accurate with what I had paid out. My type A, bordering on OCD personality kicked into hyper-drive as I sat down pen and calculator in hand to solve this mystery. I felt a tangible presence of the Holy Spirit and the warning "Don't count the strength of your Army (see 1 Chron. 21)" i.e "don't try to figure it out, just trust that I am God." I closed my checkbook and we never were without the money we needed to live throughout that time. The checkbook was never out of balance and all the bills got paid and I never understood how it was that the numbers could not possibly have matched.
I could also tell you of our bottomless freezer of meat, that though we rarely have money to buy extra to put there and have given much away to people poorer than us, there always seems to be plenty. I remember taking out a care package for a family with no groceries and my husband and I laughed about how God would fill the gap. That very day some ministry partners called us and announced they had been given a whole bunch of beef. Did we want some, of course! And it took a jigaw puzzle expert to get it to fit:) This scenario has happened probably a dozen times and each time we are blessed differently, but abundantly. God is amazing!
(conintued next comment)
(continued from previous)
I have many stories that I could tell of places were God showed up, but I want to share one more here and you to consider it carefully, because although there is no miracle here, God was obvious in a very small thing. One day, we were ministering to some homeless people in a local park. It was the time of year when we try to help people get what they need to weather another Colorado winter while living on the streets. I was standing at the hats and gloves table, helping people find what they needed when this huge man walked up to the table. He showed me his hand and informed me that we would never have a glove to fit his enormous hand. It was near the end of the day and not much was left. I really had nothing. I began to pray, "please God, I want to help". The man looked through coats and walked away. When he was part way across the park an older lady walked up to the table. She had a small bag of few things to donate and she looked almost ashamed to give such a small offering. I opened the bag and in there was a pair of the biggest, warmest, ski gloves you have ever seen. I grinned a huge grin and said "no way" outloud. While the lady stood there wide-eyed, I hailed the man and showed him the gloves. I used the opportunity to tell him about a God who loved him personally and in detail. The lady walked away encouraged as her small gift had made a huge difference.
That story stands as one of my favorites. The problem was far from God-sized. We could have taken up a collection for gloves, we could have asked someone large to give up there own. There are many ways we could have solved it, but I prayed and God answered. Simple.
You said, "I am supposed to be living my life in a way that proves God is alive.
The best ways to do that is to see God do something I am certain I could have never gathered the resource for, on my own. He needs that kind of opportunity to win potential disciples. This is all a testimony of God."
Yes and Amen to living to show God is alive. Life is not full of burning bush experiences, but places were God shows up in the minutia of life. We are called to be Jesus-with-skin-on in the places He has planted us. Sometimes this means giving what we have in Jesus' name as you have shared in your example. Sometimes it means having to pray and wait for God to show up. I am thankful that God has blessed you with resources to help, but you are right to question that at times. God does not call us to solve every problem we come in contact with, but at times to pray, to seek wisdom, to let God work in that person's life in a different way. Sometimes walking with someone in relationship, without being able to meet the need, is the best testimony of a God who is moved by our tears. We demonstrate who God is more by loving than giving sometimes. There are other times when God shows us a need, gives us the means, and allows us to be the answer to our own prayers. Only you can decide what God is calling you to do. You can find out by waiting on Him before jumping into action. This will allow you to be more sure that it is God in you and not just your own resources.
God bless you in your journey! I know these are hard things, but God is amazingly faithful!
Charity
afterthought:
It occured to me that as I am encouraging to pray and wait, that there is not a prescribed time for praying and waiting. I know people who hide behind prayer as an excuse to never have to move out into anything hard. I am not advocating such a thing! I am simply encouraging you to make sure you are involving God in the places you are serving. This helps it be less Michele and more God. I hope that makes sense.
One last afterthought (I promise:)
When you meet the need, do you also touch the person? Which do you think God would be most interested in?
Hi Charity,
I don't know. I think I spend a lot of time meeting real needs for people. Generally speaking the ones I pause to pray or to share theology is when I'm sharing WHY relationships with other human beings are not working out like hoped for. And, if the financial need is too heavy, I take them down to the church for the deacon's fund. I guess I have more categorical times to pray, and times to serve or look for someone else's resources!
I'd like these categories to be shaken up more in my mind so I'm listening more to the Spirit and less to what the person is saying.
You asked, "When you meet the need, do you also touch the person? Which do you think God would be most interested in?"
I believe so. But let me see if I can explain it. ... I guess I should mention that I served at a pregnancy crisis center for five years, a lot like the homeless ministry in that it was about material possessions that would bless others. And my faith was engaged in that....
But I guess things turn more into "can you spare $5?" relationship rather than a full-bodied, gospel hope kind of relationship. I have had relationships with materially needy people where, after awhile, I stop talking about Christ. And then I realize it, and refocus the relationship. And then it gets dull again. And then I refocus the relationship.
This is one of the reasons why having a community of believers to invite the not-yet believers or brand new believers, is SO IMPORTANT. I can't always stay on my toes with their needs and with the gospel. If I don't fail in one area, I'll fail in the other. But for them to know two, three, or 30 other believers who can all say and do the same thing relieves the need for me to be all things at all times.
One thing I am getting really tired of is doing this ALONE. Will you pray that there would be another woman who would rise up and share her own load with me and I with her? I have several girlfriends who love to share their faith with others, but I haven't specifically invited any of them to partner with me. Perhaps I should? What would you recommend?
I don't think disciplemaking is best an individual sport.
Thanks for sharing your stories! I don't think I will ever forget the massive gloves story, that was so easy to picture in my mind. I just stopped by FedEx's blog and saw a beautiful little baby. How neat!!!
Michele
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