Weak at His Will

Ohh. It is so hard to spend time away from praising God! It actually hurts. I wanna be there so bad.

I love God so much. I can feel his firm grip on my life. I can feel his close presence. I can sense he is there in everything. In everything that I do (when I am half-awake at least), He is there, watching the activity, as I do, around me. I don't have time to pray when I am in a conversation with someone. But God knows that. Yet my heart is longing for leading just the same and God meets my request. He gives me words everyday, and I am amazed.

I praise God because He has made me so willing to be lead. Let me tell you--I was left confused by the good intentions of my parents, and five years ago I remember sitting on the kitchen floor admitting to God "I don't trust you enough. I need to lead my own life. I can't trust anyone anymore." But He has healed me and shown me His goodness. "Try my yoke," He keeps saying to me. Mmmm.

Some of my most favorite moments with God is when I get to be all by myself and go out of my home. I don't have any other obligations given by God. For instance, if children were with me I wouldn't be given a chance to serve Him in a way that would make me put the children's supervision or safety at stake. But when I am by myself, I walk slow. I watch the people around me. I wait. And God always uses me. How awesome is that?

I'm not one to toot my own horn (at least, I know it is a terrible weakness of mine to be prideful so I try very hard to play down what others would praise me for). When God says, "Go!" it is an exciting thing. Maybe I should leave it at that.

What greater thing can there be than this?

I was wondering this today. My Lord has one of the last major strongholds of my heart now. I am weak in the face of knowing His will. I am willing. What is left? Certainly nothing that can upset me. His love is too close and too great. So what must be left is only something more deep; future earth-shattering ways that God will use me to glorify Himself. I almost shudder to imagine....