Laid low

I just feel quite overwhelmed today.

I have a tenant in my parents' home who called me this afternoon accusing me of not caring about her. However my care for her was the reason why I got involved in the first place. She is probably Hindu, and so it matters to me knowing that Christ's reputation is on the line. I fought so hard to be at peace with her. She was so angry. She accused my tone and word choice as being unkind. It was quite a struggle. In the end I think she finally took some hope that I was indeed caring for her to the best of my ability like I claimed. She relaxed a little bit.

I am also having a conversation still with some individuals at Fellowship Hall recently about polygyny and it rips my heart up. I want to join in the conversation. It is such a burden to think that I need to delve into the scriptures. I want to do it, but I need to find the time and patience to do it. They don't understand how contrary it seems to me that God would find practice of polygyny accpetable. It calls to my mind the journeys I have had in my own life in the last several months, where the concept of "seeking another" has been purged with fire from my own life. Such a fight. I decided to dig deep into my own explorations of why God desires monogamy, and it was hard work.

But most heavily I have been burdened with the JW group that have been visiting with me on Mondays. When they came yesterday we got into an uncomfortable silence about the divinity of Jesus Christ. They got angry at me when I confirmed that I did believe in the trinity. I stood the ground of the truth as much as they asked me to share my opinion, but when I did they found what I said to be upsetting, unbelievable, and frankly, dumb. Which goes to show how much they have been trained to think otherwise. I say trained because I went to their church service last Sunday. I saw for myself how they study, underline, and, like a classroom, vy for the microphone to share their own insights on the truthfulness of the Watchtower writings. Now I am reading some information about "how to reach the JW--not just play bible verse ping-pong," and the task set before me seems almost too great. I feel like I am swimming in a sea of information, that, if I do not know ahead of time, will be to the loss of the effort to open their eyes. I am being educated to the fact that they spend several hours a week learning how to answer my own points with their own interpretations, where as I am spending a lot less time doing similar preparations. I want to be ready.

I suddenly realize that this is the task God has set before me for this season of my life. These are the people given to me whom want to talk about the bible with me. God wants me to concentrate on their needs, as opposed to the LDS or Oneness Pentecostals or ICOC, even. Here they are--God wants to plant a seed today.

I feel like retreating into a dark hole to just let my mind stop buzzing.

Take a deep breath, Sanc.