"Today I almost quit"

I almost said this three Fridays ago, January 5th.

The measly three hours I spend volunteering at Birthright on Fridays has become increasingly difficult, and it shouldn't be. I started off with Liz rocking in a portable swing as an infant, and Grace a mobile 2-year old. And it seemed okay. I just worry so much now, about having Lijah and Lizzy with me. Maybe I'm just losing faith. What once seemed easy... is now too big to overcome? I try my best to pack snacks and bottles and bring movies and activities so that they will be pleasant. My greatest fear is that one of them will have a break-down while I'm trying to listen to a woman who is abortion-minded. Even if that never happened, every week there are moments when I literally break a sweat attending them and clients simultaenously. The women have stressful issues on their mind and when my children whine, it can't be good.

Adding pressure to all of this is my increasing awareness that there is something subtle but wrong with Liz. She is dealing with something that I can't understand; for awhile I thought it was recurring bladder infections or hypoglycemia, now I think it's hyperthyroidism. She just breaks down with no warning, and doesn't want to move at all till she eats. Or she'll have a two-day span where she wets her pants. And she is constantly overheated. And several other things that I won't discuss now.

Lijah is crawling, and giving up his AM nap. Traditionally, I have been nursing him to sleep and then putting him down in the supply closet on some quilts. Which was crazy stressful by itself. He's now become "mommy-in-the-room" fussy. It's a bad stage for hoping in a baby to be content. Call it the straw that broke the camel's back, three Friday's ago.... I love Birthright, but there comes a time when maybe I ought to think about what is best for others and not myself. I remember two conferences ago the national director said that volunteers should not bring their children with to the office, and this weighs on my mind, though Terry says it's okay. I do have to admit, so far, doing Fridays has always felt like walking into a little miracle. God always seems to keep the most impossible things that the children might do, for either right before or after the shift. I have seen this over and over. Somehow, God knows the need. Birthright is certainly covered in prayer by countless, countless people.

There are safety concerns with my children and I, the difficulty in finding a replacement volunteer for me in the case that I or one of three children get sick and can't make it, etc. I regularly don't sleep well on Thursday nights, in anticipation.

On January 5th I ended up alone without the usual second volunteer because of a glitch in scheduling. At a particular point I had two clients there; one getting a test and another in the clothing room. That's not a big deal. But the phone rang and it was a woman who spoke in Spanish.

I don't know a lick of Spanish. Everytime this happens I think that I need to get off my duff and learn it.

"One moment," I said. I fumbled around the desk for a printup another volunteer made for the rest of us. Found it. On one side it said the English version and the other side the Spanish. I quickly figured out which sentences were the right ones and then monotonely read a series of syllables which was supposed to say "I want to help you. I can't speak Spanish but I am going to ask a Spanish-speaking volunteer to call you back." She understood somehow! Then I asked her "number?" She began but... I couldn't understand.

Sigh; Dora the Explorer, you and your melodies of memorization failed me.

I broke our strict protocol of client confidentiality and pulled in the client from the clothing room and asked her with a smile, "I wonder if you speak any Spanish?" She took the phone from me and it was perfect; I got her name and number and then there was a very quick and passionate conversation between the two of them. I asked her after she hung up. "I can't believe this, but she was calling asking if you do abortions! She must be crazy! But I didn't say that, I just told her no, they want to help you, like, get resources and all the things you need for your children. I told her that you do tests and you don't do that here." Which was acceptable as far as I was hoping.

I called Carol, one of our standby Spanish volunteers. I told her what I knew. She called me back a few minutes later and said that she was very young, and she and her husband/significant other were illegal, as were their three children. She had no family in the area, and no friends. Her partner was not happy to find out that she was pregnant again. She can't afford being pregnant without insurance. He can't find work. Abortion seems like the only option. Carol asked her to think about the child she was carrying, but she couldn't do it with all of her other issues.

Carol was vexed. She wanted to know what we could do for her. I gave her a few ideas, but she needed more information. I invited her to come into the office and go through our list of resources to become acquainted with them for the next time, especially adoption. She did, and we went over them for an hour or so. Meanwhile Liz and Lijah were getting fussy, it was past one and Birthright was closed so I thankfully locked the front door. Carol eventually left saying she was really unsure about pressing her by calling a second time. She called later after we left but the woman didn't answer.

End of story, I thought. Usually these things never go anywhere; once a caller hears that we can help her with many things, it makes her resolve for abortion a little tougher to maintain and they avoid us.

Two weeks passed. It was January 18th and I thought it important that Carol felt Birthright's support, so I'd follow up with a courtesy call. She said she never called again because she sensed the woman wouldn't want that. I understood. Just as our conversation ended, she found the phone number and said aloud, "Maybe I will give her a call again."

An hour later an excited Carol called back. She called the woman and it rang and she left no message but she must have recognized Carol's ID and called her back, telling her that she hadn't aborted the baby. She wanted help, and accepted Carol's invitation. Most of all what she wanted was someone to be a friend. Carol said she would come over very soon to her home and visit her and her children. Then, in the spring when the weather warms, she would make dates to pick her and her three children up and take them to the park. Carol has a daughter who is the same age, mother of three children, and also speaks Spanish.

This was an extraordinarily wonderful outcome. It made me change my mind. I will keep on, for now, even if with worry and doubt, under the miracle that is Birthright.