Core

The fact that under the hand of another, and through my own choices, I have been made aware of my low self-worth, allows me to be set free to follow Jesus without being encumbered. Encumbered by the opinions and requirements of men.

So many I know choose their religion because it looks good to them. It fits with their ideology, their scheme of thinking, their goals and aspirations. It was how they were raised to think and act. It acknowledges and heightens their sense of their own self-worth. They do not choose a religion foremost because of the reason of love of other men and being loved by God. The relational reasons.

See how it's all about fit? About putting it into a box among the several facets of who you are, a compliment to the awesomeness you know you already have.... Rather than the oppositional being made a foundation for your every sense of personhood. Kind of what the Newsboys sing,

"I'm not following a God on a lead around
Can't invent this diety
And that's why Jesus is the final answer
Of who I want my God to be
His ways aren't mine"

Who has made who? Am I essentially on the throne, a king of my domain? I ought to be able to tell the difference.

If a man would choose his church's title because he needs to be loved by God personally, and loved alone, then we would all be of the same church. We would all see the extinction of modern-day Pharisees, no matter what their church title.

Why? Why is this so?

Because. Loose a restraint on a man. And what happens? He becomes who he is in his heart. Like the Israelites who constructed a golden calf to worship once Moses took off to talk with God. They said "Partaaay like it's 1999 B.C.!"

The OT is filled with similar examples of Israelites--left to their own, they stray.

So if we are going to lose the act, and become something really meaningful, we have got to answer the question of the "core."

What is at your core? What really matters to you? Did you get hurt? Was it unfair? Was your ideal trashed?? What really matters in this life? Are you waiting for an apology? Are you waiting for a rescue? Do you just want to be let alone to do as you please? Do you have it--what really matters; or are you on a never-satisfying quest for it?

Religion must absolutely start at the core. No other daily level will do.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside will also be clean." matt 23:25-26

When I was doing all that digging and housework, I had a lot of time to think. I was a self-pity machine. I told myself, "If I could only make my own decisions, everything would be different." I promised myself that my life would have meaning. That I was going to make a difference. This was my reason for living--what I could do given the chance. At first I didn't want God to be a part of this purpose. But then when I was 17 I let him into my heart.

Meanwhile I lived a very secluded life. The only time I was allowed to be around people my age was when I was at school, and even that my dad understood and often took away from me. I was not allowed to participate in anything after school. I saw a girfriend about once every six months, just for a few hours. I was desperate for contact. Even in college I was told that I was not allowed to join any clubs until my grades were straight A's. I was not allowed to talk on the phone, up until the day I moved out when I was 20.

When I was finally set free, what did my life look like? Was it a path of meaning and making a difference? Not at all. There was too much damage. I found delectable every fun thing that passed in front of me. I ate like a pig. I slept in my bed, day and night, for a month. I skipped class. I tried a cigarette, started drinking, went to frat parties. I had no discipline over my life, because I had never made decisions for my self before. Everything was decided for me. The posture I sat in my chair. The words that came out of my mouth.... This kind of release from total control could destroy a life time of work. But I only spent two years in this state. Why? Because God was there on the inside, wooing me and loving me to wholeness, and giving me reason to come to Him.

Jesus started with me at the bottom, and worked up from there.

Either you have this testimony about Jesus being at the core somewhere, or you don't. This is what James was talking about when he said, "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that--and shudder." 2:19

Now, imagine if I became a Christian because I was attracted to the idea that I wasn't required to obey the 10 commandments. Or because I liked the doctrine of predestination. Or because I thought that Jesus was a cool guy or that the sermon on the mount was insightful for reality. Or because I had a lot of associates who were proud of their spirituality, and I wanted to compete with them. Or because I liked to sound and think I was wise because I could quote the bible extensively. Would anything be different?

Yes. Maybe on the surface things would look a bit better. But I am sure that my roommates would notice my skipping class, my coming home at all hours, etc. These things would continue because there would be no agent by which to cause change. There would not be in my heart, a desire for obedience.

Obligation produces superficial obedience, which, when removed, proves lawlessness.

However, the man who abandons his pursuit of increasing self-worth and leaves it in God's hands, proves true obedience, regardless of obligations that come and go.

Do you think that you are a man of principles? Your training keeps you from healing. Because the core has been lost from your vision. You do not know what you are really like because you have not been given the chance. You know this and you sense it. You secretly have dreams of being set free to do that which you know you can't right now. For you, your obedience is a matter of a lack of opportunity; not a matter of a lack of desire. Those principles were put in place to keep you from doing those things that come natural to you. Do you really think that you are "better" than that? When you finally discover the training that protects you from your nature, you will see that this is just another form of obligation. What would you do if absolutely no one were watching? Mmm hmm. You are like the Israelite too.

Has Jesus been introduced to your core? Have you showed Him what's in it? Have you shared with him your drive, your reasons for living, your struggle with finding that meaning? Have you told him about the relational things--the time when you were jipped, the time when you sought to be truly appreciated? Have you asked Him if He has those values for you in His storeroom of riches? If you have, then you will find as I have an obedience that can never be corrupted.

I am not better than anyone else because I have let God touch my core. It was a hard move. I am still doing it. If it takes all your life to let Him in like that, it will be worth it. Timing does not matter to Him in that way... And it only takes a simple introduction, for the whole lifestyle to change about-face.