Dangling out on a Limb

(This is a history of my exposure to Free Grace Theology. It explains that I had independently come to read scripture in the same ways the Free Grace movement too has been doing for some time.)

I did something a little gutsy. I emailed the president of Grace Seminary of the Northwest: Dr. Earl Radmacher.

Then I sat on my hands, nervous as heck, waiting for a reply.

I guess I had digested for some time their beliefs which were like the sweetest song I had never heard. I couldn't hold my testimony inside any longer. Let me tell you how I came to make contact with this Seminary....

My first class was Dr. Dale Taliaferro teaching "Romans and Galatians." Attending the class was a random effort on my part. One day in February of this year, I was bored and I wandered to a corner of my church where the Seminary class list was made available. I had no clue the theological background. I asked my husband to attend the class and he supported me.

What a pleasant and amazing surprise it was to hear others read it like I!! It didn't take long, actually three days of listening to Dr. Radmacher comment during class, for me to believe that they and I are kindred, and I said so when he asked me to comment at the end of class; I said, "I fit with you and you fit with me."

I took these three months for me to assess I didn't say that in haste. I began to contrast what they believe, what I believe, and my testimony. I realized that my testimony could possibly be a proof of the necessity of this theology. I even tried running into my pastor, who I know is free grace because simply because he attends these classes, to get a preliminary reaction but no such luck. If I was right about its usefulness, I'd better take some time to figure out if I really wanted them and they would really want me. I decided to withhold my story and keep taking classes.

Dr. Radmacher spoke occasionally about the free grace effort. I have mixed feelings. Honestly? It makes me nervous, because I am not a fan of movements and certainly I fear school of thought of any kind because of my former experience with a cult.

On the other hand they are organized and have amazing resources to talk about the Word in the ways I already am. I certainly should take advantage of what they can offer since here they are, an amazing five minutes away from home.

It was astounding to listen to them teach. I was inwardly shocked and thankful. I have never personally known a Christian believe in such ways as I. That feeling of being crazy? The feeling of being an outcast or just plain uneducated -- was wiped away as other human beings talked about the Word in the same ways I do. I shook my head in disbelief! For three days till the class concluded!

Then there was a second class called "Intro to Free Grace Theology" in April and I loved it, though it was way over my exposure level, including a whole section on history. The last class I finished was "Evangelism," in the end of May.

In a few moments after each class I asked the professors to tell me their thoughts about my testimony. I told them what I thought it took to be saved, and they both told me their ideas of salvation, which happen to not be identical.

Pastor Laeger, the teacher of the "Evangelism" class, made a tremendous effort to be humble in his ideas on salvation the next day... for my sake perhaps. I was impressed.

And intrigued beyond belief. Okay, so, what if I don't know yet what it is that they think? What if I am too liberal for them? At least they are conscientious about getting it right. That's a great quality for any movement. And here I was, taking classes from them for months, nodding my head along and never introducing myself in a class where everybody knew everybody else and I was a big question-mark.

So, like I said, I got gutsy. I emailed Dr. Radmacher to see if he would grant me permission to share with him my testimony. He said he would be delighted. We talked on the phone a few days later, and he was very kind to me. He treated me in such a way I could only dream of being treated: as if my convictions do matter. He encouraged me to keep learning. I was directed to the story of Cornelius in Acts 10 and doubting Thomas in John 20.

He spent time entertaining the ideas I shared from scripture as I have publicized in My Testimony. Though, ultimately his praise was reserved for having persevered enough in my circumstances to ask these kinds of questions at all.

A couple days later Dr. Radmacher forwarded an email that was written by Dr. Bob Wilkin. In that letter Dr. Wilkin detailed his thoughts over my testimony. He said that the questions I am asking are the same ones being asked by the whole Free Grace community. And it was at that time that I knew I fit into Free Grace. Wilkin's letter gave me the impression there was a healthy and lively discussion within Free Grace circles. I made the commitment that I should begin to investigate what the issues were.

This investigation was postponed till after the last class of spring term: "The Evolution of Theology," taught by Dr. Stephen Lewis. After my mind stopped tingling from that stimulation, I found this article, which introduced me to the controversy:

"The Tragedy of the Crossless Gospel," by Tom Stegall.

I had a renewed sense of doom, that I was not accepted by Free Grace after all. This was during the first week of June.

But at this point, being mid-June, I know I belong, more or less, and as I go I may make some significant adjustments. I have deep appreciation for this community, who will strengthen my own efforts at scholasticism.