A hot cup of steaming, starbucks....

I'm doing my best to get a grip in time for tomorrow morning's flight. It's the passenger regulations that have got me in a tiff. They want me to use a medium-sized ziplock bag's worth of product and that's all I can have. I spent an hour today organizing what I use into tiny little 3-oz. bottles (regulation-limited sized). Here's the list I've got as of ten p.m.:

facial cleanser
facial moisturizer
after sun hydrating gel
contact solution
toothpaste
deoderant
shampoo
conditioner
eye-makeup remover
liquid ibuprofen
hand sanitizer
body moisturizer
acne treatment gel
neosporin

Yeah; it's not fitting in that baggie.

Actually I have two baggies filled with these items. Julie, international traveling talent that she is, recommended not checking luggage which means I can only have one of those baggies and anything else I have to separately petition. I can feel the scrutiny over these items. Are three different kinds of moisturizer really necessary? Well let me just ask you if you enjoy the thought of using a twelve-dollar moisturizer just for hands?? The after-sun moisturizer is the perfect thing I found to make rough parts feel so soft, and I use it every day. How much fun can I really have if I don't feel like my self after five days of going without? Everything else is pretty much self-explanatory... hey; I'm not high maintenence! Wait a second--I'm having an epiphany.

I used to think I was self-sufficient but now I realized I've turned to the dark side and become one of them--those prissy types. Ugh. Okay. I'll join the club only if I can stick a stubborn foot in the door swinging shut behind me.

Beyond liquids and gels, I'm curious to know what kinds of beauty objects I can bring without them being seen as a potential weapon. I'm getting a kick reading on down through the list whether each item can be carried aboard the plane. Let me share a bit of it with you:

Bug and mosquito repellent Yes-3oz. or smaller container
Cuticle Cutters Yes
Deodorants made of gel or aerosol Yes-3oz. or smaller container
Eyelash Curlers Yes
Hair Straightener or Detangler Yes-3oz. or smaller container
Lip gels such as Carmex or Blistex Yes-3oz. or smaller container
Nail Clippers Yes

Then it lists this object mysteriously in the bunch:

Toy Transformer Robots Yes

Hmm, how does a transformer pose a threat? I can't imagine how. Next listed are:

Umbrellas - allowed in carry-on baggage once they have been inspected to ensure that prohibited items are not concealed.
Walking Canes - allowed in carry-on baggage once they have been inspected to ensure that prohibited items are not concealed.

I love these next categories:

Box Cutters No
Ice Axes/Ice Picks No
Knives - except for plastic or round bladed butter knives No
Meat Cleavers No
Sabers No
Swords No

Well, duh. More:

Baseball Bats No
Bows and Arrows No
Cricket Bats No
Golf Clubs No
Hockey Sticks No

Can you imagine being the clerk and this huge guy says, "I'm carrying on my bat"? How about a big messy bag of golf clubs? Yeah right. But the list of regulations isn't finished. Just in case you were wondering:

Axes and Hatchets No
Cattle Prods No
Crowbars No
Saws (including cordless portable power saws) No

Aww, I can't take my saw with!

Billy Clubs No
Black Jacks No
Brass Knuckles No
Kubatons No
Mace/Pepper Spray No
Martial Arts Weapons No
Night Sticks No
Nunchakus No
Stun Guns/Shocking Devices No
Throwing Stars No

No throwing stars, people; come on!

Blasting Caps No
Dynamite No
Fireworks No
Flares (in any form) No
Hand Grenades No

Umm.... Then the list innocently switches like lightning back to jello and whip cream--"only in three ounce containers!!"

Well, here I go, headed back to my "roots." You didn't know? Yeah, I was born in New York, actually in Niagara Falls. I know what you're thinking as you read this. It's the same thing everyone ever says when I tell them where I was born: "Ohh, you were born over the falls!!" I pretend to act amused. Sometimes, just to give a rounded effect to it all I'll add to the story, "Actually, it was just up the street from Love Canal; you know the place where the nuclear radiation was released in the seventies?" And then they always say, "Ohh, that explains a lot!" I nod, pretending amusement once again, and maybe I throw in a little dance of handicap. It's a well rode diddy I can evoke at will from perfect strangers.

I've been on a plane three times before. In 2000, my sister and I flew to Birmingham, England. Now there's something I'll never forget. My sister and I ripped it up learning the English lingo "mind the gap" and "no entry" with a stick figure fleeing against a door that won't give way. We went into a grocery store and walked around laughing and giggling because they had mac'n'cheese in cans and scary characters hovering over breakfast cereral. The young clerk covertly followed us around trying very hard to hide his amusement as our accents gave us away.

Again my husband and I went on our honeymoon to Las Vegas. I spent the whole trip being sick. I carried a little starbucks cup everywhere as we toured the sites of interest--it was a little cup of steaming insurance in case I lost my lunch. The smoke didn't do too much to enhance the struggle.

The last time was when we went to Washington D.C. about six months after 9/11. I remember is how serious and nervous the atmosphere was while we were there.

Well, I'm off, to bed that is. Needing beauty sleep, prissy-girl?

TSA.gov