Identity Wars

Well, it's nice to just have some answers.

I know now that this whole falling away was catalyzed by the shock of the miscarriage. If a person decides that they're done being a mommy, what's left to... be? That is the question. I rediscovered where I was six years ago, all my old aspirations, all my previous sense of identity. Then I had to lay it back down as soon as I conceived just six months later, but, I didn't know how.

That's a conflict that I am conscious of now, and while it is still a battle, at least I know what the opposing forces are. My hope is that, in the end, when I am done nurturing babies in the semi-near future, I will have enough maturity to find a balance. I can draw some lines for selfishness and aspiration, and that can be okay, without forsaking how much I love babies and everyone else.

They really do not get along, naturally. The mommy in me would sacrifice, to all ends, for other people. The woman in me wants to realize my own ideals for the sake of empowering myself.


Obi Nurturer: Come, 'Persona, come with us to the good side. I know there's good in you yet.

Darth Persona: It is you who must succumb to the destiny of your youthful passions. And now I must kill you for your betrayl.

Obi Nurturer: You won't kill me; search your feelings, you know it's true. 'Persona: I am the Mommy, in you.

Darth Persona: Noooooooooo!