"Want" is a nice word

Since the end of September I've been in a bible study called "The Beloved Disciple: the life and ministry of John," by Beth Moore. It began on this passage:

The next day John was there again with two of his disciples. When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!"
When the two disciples heard him say this, they followed Jesus. Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, "What do you want?"
They said, "Rabbi" (which means Teacher), "where are you staying?"
"Come," he replied, "and you will see." So they went and saw where he was staying, and spent that day with him. John 1:35-39

One of many of the study questions in week one asked "Where do you see your life right now?" "In a routein and a rut... Living the great adventure (circle one)...." I thought about which one I'd circle. I even spent a lot of time in serious doubt that I would reach the other "option" ever again, even if I tried. I almost decided that I didn't belong. I'm not quite sure what got me to reconsider. Maybe it was the introductory premise:

"I love new beginnings, don't you? I am honored to embark on this new beginning with you. Let's count on God to take us places with Him we've never been and to accomplish a work we didn't know He could. As James and John cast nets on the sun-kissed waters of the Sea of Galilee, they had no idea that the Son of God was casting His net for them. Soon they would find themselves captured by his call and compelled by His love. Let's allow the same divine affection to catch us as we too are called to be disciples of Jesus Christ.

Allow me to give you the bottom line before we turn the first page in hopes that you might adopt John's attitude from the very beginning: John was free to love because he was so utterly convinced that he was loved. He called himself the beloved disciple. How differently would each follower live if we characterized ourselves above all else as the beloved disciple of Jesus Christ? This is the goal of our journey."

I thought, is there any hope for me? I wasn't sure if I should just skip the class altogether and do childcare instead of the study. Then I heard the lesson from Moore....

"Put your pens down!" she said (on video). In our notebooks there was a page full of empty blanks, but we weren't allowed to fill in the answers as we got them. Lest we fail to take to heart what the premise of the study should be....

"Let's sense Christ asking us the same question: '________, my child, what do you want?'"

Beth said that this is our assignment: go home and answer that question, or write God a letter if need be. I chuckled at the thought, then I sat silent for a bit. "[pause] I don't even need to say it. [pause] God, you know what I want." And then I realized that it might be an important point to communicate it anyway. So I did. And that was week one.

Week two we actually got into a multi-page bible study, the typical look up X-verse and answer the X-questions. Even though they were good questions, my heart has hovered ever at week one. Prayer requests at our table time came, and my request was "that the LORD would comfort me and encourage me in my circumstances."

Week three, again, the questions were just okay. That alluring premise of God caring for what I want formed the prayer request that I shared. I said I had praise, because God had used people in my life uncommonly to comfort and come alongside me in my circumstances, but that "I still would like the LORD Himself to comfort me, to reveal his heart and plans for me."

Week four, which brings us current: I asked for prayer saying "God showed me His plan for me, and I am very encouraged, I still would like prayer however that He would help me to understand His heart and that He does understand mine."

Did you ever feel like you were at a turning point? I have a feeling this study may be making all the difference.