God answers prayer. I'm paying close attention.

I get embarassed thinking about my previous posts. The things I said were real, and had been real for such a long time. Now they're getting better since I said them out loud. It must be because I confessed them... confess your sins one to another, so that you can pray. Somehow, both people I know well and those I don't know at all, have come out of the woodwork to pray for me and think of my condition. There was a lady last night in my bible study who made a care-package for me. Inside was a small text of the series "chicken soup," some home-made blank cards with pretty flower designs on the front, a few home-made valentine cookies, and a note:

To Michelle-

Hope that these days where activities are limited become a real blessing!
May your heart become quiet and serene as you wait for this baby.

Love,
Gladys

As I accepted this, before I had read the note, I told her that I have had a pleasant week where I could hear the LORD telling me to stop, and to seize the vast amount of time, just listening to and holding my girls. But that's not all I could have mentioned that has changed with me, only one part. If I had to express it, it would probably be something very similar to the desire she had for me in her note....

Coincidence?

God answers prayer. I'm paying close attention.

The last, and most difficult point of my struggle has finally been won over conceived now within the bounds of hope. I was so scared for so long to let God in. It's only when I remembered that God could change me in a way that wouldn't be disappointing... but rather so very kind and slow and gentle that I would love Him so much the more than ever before... could I relax and trust and hope again. I told God that I'll be looking for his ever-gentle aide, whatever that might be, to convince me and bring me to be the kind of person He commands.

Someone once said that everyone expects God to be the bogey-man, up in heaven, looking down with criticality. Yeah... I did. Yeah... that's not fair.

I am still not a good person. But it makes me want to pray, and I do so much more now, because I am worried about what my day will be like without it. I pray in the morning very simple things, like "LORD, keep me from temptation for today." The days that I pray, work out in a fulfilling way. God answers prayer. I'm paying close attention. It's the beginning of the reality of the relationship I had said a year back that I was dreading the approach of.

Nothing to dread. It comes clothed in my success.