Relaxing

I do a lot of laughing these days.

There has been so much emotional pressure for me since a year ago. Trying to figure out things that most wise people know better than to attempt to understand. I still want to know more about these mysteries, but I am not weighed down about it anymore. There is so much of my purpose and meaning that is tied up with babies, my own babies in particular but everyone else's too, that, when things went wrong last year, I think I fell apart, in part. Finding out that I have been given a boy as I prayed back 2 summers ago, and especially 'the way it was announced' (so to speak), just confirms to me how much I ought to just relax. Laugh. Hang out. Not try and be so 'nerdy,' so thought-full. Just be happy and bask in the amazing new things coming in the future.

I bet you there's a premise out there in scripture to explain the female mind in anticipation of a child on the way. Hmm -- have to tuck that one away and see what I come up with.

Well, you can't kill the logic-horse altogether.

Having a peepee picture is definitely distracting my ability to be a deep-thinker, though.

"Let's Hear it for the Boy"

(And there's nothing lacking in that.)

Nerd.

Modern, Cool Nerd 73 % Nerd, 52% Geek, 39% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd. Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)! Congratulations! Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Work out your salvation with fear and trembling

Phil. 2:12

If these are the terms, I'll be ok.

If He wants me to be ordinary, I'll do it. If it means that He will be more clear.

All this pruning business I've focused on in the last year. All this dead growth He won't let my eyes have a break from. I hate seeing my sin. Hate it. But, I'm getting used to it. And I'm not getting any better, either; no-no, I'm still very much a loser. I'm only reconciling myself to the idea that God accepts me, qualifies me. That's the one, and only, point of progress in this whole mess. And, there, in that, I find peace with this nasty age of procuring my growth.

Today when I pulled up in the drive I noticed the roses. Yes, I literally "pruned" them in each mild season. It's their color, though -- each of them is more colorful, now, then they had been in the past.















God knows I rest my laurels in gardening on where I am with Him. I can't help it, with so many parallels He wished to draw to compare me with the growth of plants, in scripture.

So, I am excited. Because I saw what was before, and, now, the colors are more vibrant. May the LORD make me vibrant in showing off Him.

In Remembrance of Me

"From now on this is my body, broken for you."

I took the centimeter-long bread wafer between my index finger and thumb. Usually I like to rub it for a few seconds and feel the dust melt into my skin while I remember what Jesus has paid for me. Then, as the pastor signals us to eat it, I always have hesitated to bring it to my mouth, for just a moment, feeling reluctant to acknowledge my part in crucifying him as He foresaw the need for that because of me.

But today was unlike every other sacrament, when as I began to absorb the dusty halo of the wafer in my fingertips, it fractured.

I stopped.

I didn't want to drop it or lose some of it. But, there it was, lying intact, just cloven down from one side to the other. I felt a pang in my heart and tears welled up in my eyes, having to actually see what I had always done in my mouth. And immediately I remembered the simple words:

"Broken for you, so that you would be whole."

Did you see my week LORD, I wondered? Had He noticed that I had plumbed further depths of iniquity even just last night?

Yes: He was vulnerable to brake so that now as I was here, broken, I might be delivered into innocence.

Out of thankfulness I made a pledge to do what I could this week to not ignore the gift of deliverance, to live in memory of the wholeness that had been imparted to me.