My own words

Someone reading here said "Not another quote! I want to see something written by you." So that is what I am going to do.

I am watching how much of a deep hunger I have. I mean a hunger for purpose, meaning, excitement, challenge. In the last two days I have had an excellent time of stretching out my talent and knowledge and compassion for the good of others. This comes after a long, long period of silence and inactivity. And it is intoxicating. I am making a choice several times a day to say, "Okay, I still want to be free to walk away; to be satisfied with what I had, and go back to being introspective and quiet as I was before." I just want another "good" to add to my list, because it makes me feel good about myself. My soul is not completely compliant with simply walking away.

I keep wandering around my home, switching the channel on the radio, trying to find something new to fixiate myself upon and feed good feelings out of.

There is a frenzy that comes through watching yourself do or say something that is good. It creates an appetite for more, more more.

"The unwillingness on the part of men and women to acknowledge their helpless dependence is a violation of our 'creatureliness.' The unwillingness to be obedient is a violation of our humanity. Both are declarations of independence, and... are essentially atheistic. In both, the answer to the call [of God] is 'no.'"

-- Elliot, "Discipline: The Glad Surrender"

I am both sides of turning from straight paths in God by obeying myself this hunger: I am "unwilling to be obedient" and therefore violate the worth of humanity through "being unwilling to acknowledge my helpless dependence on the Creator."

I will not let my soul feast on some side-issue about Christ. I want to declare for His sake that I need Him, Himself, to make me satisfied. When He satisfies me, I will not obey the lust of my eyes in seeing any cause that Christ himself does not give to me today.