Blessed

I am beginning to think I am spoiled.

It's just a teensy bit nerve-raking.

But mostly I am deeply grateful.

I didn't know a life could really be this fine. Really when I imagined a family life I never thought I would ever have so much; so much material and circumstantial blessing to take pleasure in. Even in my ministries, I am blessed.

When I sit down at the dinner table and we have one of those moments where it all sinks in;... the blessing in it all, for a moment I get nervous. You know, the old saying "when is the other shoe going to drop." I think often about how it may be God's will to take a child or my husband or my husband's job, so that life would be utterly different. At least, that's the most profoundly scary thing I can think of. And I know that I still trust God with even all of those things. It seems to be that the natural time of "acquiring" in the evolution of a family is not the usual time that God tests our complementary growing faith and trust in God as we ourselves evolve in faith. So maybe now is not the time that God has planned to test and try my faith. Today is the day for the establishment of the depth and breadth of God's love.

But the point is that I do not live in fear. Fear would cripple my joy in today's deep blessing, and turn it to bitterness. I am able to say that I can enjoy today's deep blessing by faith, for what it is. Unafriad of what may happen tomorrow.

And also not take too much pleasure in what I have, so that I would fail the test of the trial of loss, to come.

It's an amazing balance, that God has made me ready to glorify Him in. And I thank Him that I have that peace.